Why love matters is beyond simple description. Falling in love entices my embodied presence in incredible ways. Feeling powerful, free of pain, invincible and higher than high is an amazing life experience. Yet this experience eventually fizzles out; it’s not sustainable.
We can chase it; we can’t contain it.
Romantic love, and the stories I tell myself about it, pull me higher than I’ve ever been before and push me into deep funks.
Love is a powerful force indeed
In the early stages of our romance, we felt the chemical swirl of feel-good hormones and daring behaviors. The hot and steamy seduction connected us deeply. The pursuit of these passions dominated our days.
Then came the mental wrestling match: Is this really happening? Is this okay? Is this the right time? What about _____ (fill in the blank)? All of this mental meandering resulted in the back and forth, together/apart dance of our relationship.
You know what I’m talking about?
Then came the subsequent surrender. I fell, in love, hard. Hooked on the drug of love. Biological imperatives called the shots; we were hooked.
From here all things are possible
And it was complicated. There was a lot going on in graduate school as these flames of passion licked our beings. Rarely is falling in love a clean situation. Other people are often involved. Difficult decisions determine the future.
During the lulls, the resultant longing and disappointment sometimes made me hurt so much I would wish I’d never even engaged. My body’s wisdom knew this man could heal me in ways I couldn’t on my own. My body’s wisdom knew we would create amazing things together.
Surrendering to the wisdom of my body, I committed to the relationship. I quit stirring the worry pot and I let the mental meanderings settle, my soul softening to the moment.
Romance reminds me of my meditation practice
In romance, I’m falling in love with my wholeness. I see my wholeness when I look in my beloved’s eyes. I think it’s outside of me. It’s not. In meditation I am searching for my wholeness. I think it’s outside of me. I realize it’s not.
In romance I feel blissed out; I can experience this in meditation also.
My mind, left unchecked, bounces back and forth between things I want more of and things I want less of. I praise people or I blame them (including myself). It is a dizzying game of push and pull. This game creates suffering.
This doesn’t get me where I want to go. I’m basically manufacturing my own misery.
Romance can do this, too, but we oftentimes stay stuck in blaming the other person.
When my mind is freed of the burden of attraction and revulsion, I’m free to settle into the moment. Fresh moment. New awareness. Joy and freedom. This is the joyful journey I’ve discovered in my primary love relationship. I’ve moved beyond push and pull, for the most part, and settled into sustainable sweet connection. We recalibrate back to this again and again. I believe in the power of love.
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu