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sober creative nurturance

  1. it’s important to go fallow sometimes
    to be in the pause
    to rest and recalibrate to a new way of being

    recent months of becoming crone
    the elder in the household
    one of the wise ones riding menopausal waves
  2. do you know your ideal mothering traits?
    mine include patience, nudging to take risks, silence-breaking
    i’ve learned how to give myself these…

    as a child there were powerful creative women drowning in alcohol
    unable to set boundaries, to speak for what they needed
    to follow their heart’s desire

    running in the woods, swimming in the lake, dreaming with clouds
    these pockets of joy in an atmosphere of divorce, drinking and chronic doing
    cigarettes and cigars the playmates of my parents

    they provided what they could, coated in layers of fear
    i wanted to be able to make a mess, to be creative, to care less
    but i was told to be tidy, to clean up after others, to be safe

  3. i was afraid
    i was locked up inside
    dwelling in an overactive mind

    excelling at academics
    earning scholarships and praise all-the-while
    drinking alcoholically & seeding depression

    my maternal grandmother drank to death
    her liver failed her due to scarring and cirrhosis
    she died on mother’s day when i was 14

    i found recovery from my own disease 
    of drinking alcoholically
    nearly a decade later

    it runs in the family roots, my, mom, too
    danced dangerously with drink
    sober or not, i know not which, she died alone
  4. today i reflect
    on the gifts of being 
    a sober creative woman of integrity

    mothering two amazing children
    loving a hubby who just lost his parents
    bearing witness to the hardest year of his life

    menopause brings me closer to truth
    direct connect with the Divine
    Mother Earth guides me and is nudging me 

5. i’m writing more
i’m pausing more, painting more, paddling more
i’m offering more time in serving my clients


revive and reveal
our true nature

live an extraordinary life

no matter your past, trauma can thaw
love yourself as your own nurturing creative mother
and enjoy relational health with Self, Other, Spirit

sending you virtual hugs and creative blessings







Amy Elizabeth (a good enough mother)

Amy Elizabeth Gordon, M.A.
Survivor & Thriver & Giver & Receiver
call/email for a nudge for greater relational health

passionately guiding couples and families
Serving Hawai’i Island and beyond
in-person or on-line

2-6 day retreats available now
5 openings through July
808-936-3733

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Metabolizing Grief

keep it real

Grief. Mass grief. Personal waves of it over the last five months. Both in-laws died within 2 weeks of each other last fall. My middle brother died this month. My dream of leading retreats with my husband died (years ago, though we’re still married and working through the pain of loss), I’ve been in denial about much of this.

Pain & Blessings

The pain of unhealed wounds, unmet needs, untreated addictions, all of this touches our lives at some point on this journey, whether we are aware of it or not. I’m aware. I’m moving into acceptance. And from there, I take action.

My husband and I keep it real by meeting each other where we are NOW. I get to learn how to be more patient with his grief process. I get to provide more space. Because, when my impatience meets his procrastination, I basically generate my own suffer.

So now I offer retreats to couples without my husband. I offer free classes at Tutu’s House without my husband. I write to release the pinch of dominant culture without expecting my beloved to co-author the book. I can recognize, as we grow old together, that “we are not me” and for that I am grateful.

I have more blessings in my life than I can say grace over, truly: nearly 30 years of continuous sobriety, nearly 22 years of conscious monogamy and dedicated marriage, and two adorable and brilliant and thriving young men who inspire me to shift the drift to create a more beautiful world my heart endeavors to believe is possible. If I just release the grip. And tenderize daily.

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pause and celebrate the balance of light and dark

journey of transformation
happy equinox


Can you pause and celebrate the balance of light & dark?

Happy Equinox: the time of balance of light and dark as the sun moves across the sky. And during this time of Piko O Wakea, Autumnal Equinox in Hawai’i, we ask for focus, grounding, and stability. One of the key ways I generate and receive this is from my supportive communities, and you are a part of that greater community.

Today, my Beloved husband, Marc, and his father, Jim, are in Switzerland having their last moments together. Jim, now 80, decided upon a VAD (voluntary assisted death) due to his Alzheimer’s. Both his parents and sister died of it in long-term care facilities and Jim firmly did not want such an experience for himself. 

Marc will be back on the Big Island next Friday, full moon, where he continues the on-going support of his mother, Kath, as she approaches her “completion day” with M.A.I.D. (medical aid in dying), which is legal in Hawai’i. She stopped her chemo earlier this year. Both his parents, though recently divorced, live with us. 


Personally, I’m emotionally tuckered and relatively neutral about these events — not morally opposed, nor staunchly in favor.

Rather, I’m an attentive observer, watching it unfold and coping/supporting/floundering along these uncharted waters. And, I quit trying to save their marriage! I pray for peace for all of us.

I’ve taken this break from regular emails to you in order to process family matters and my own journey into menopause; focusing more on sleep, running, and meditating, all while working and tending to family and house and garden needs. 

Thank you for reading and offering any support, understanding, and Aloha at this time. Hope you are all well and I look forward to future connection. Be well

.
Here’s a few nudges to celebrate the balance of light and dark at this time of year in these simple ways:

1. light a candle to remember all you have to be grateful for in your heart (and all that you don’t have)
2. go out and view the night sky and witness the growing moon and remember light punctuating the dark times
3. acknowledge the both/and, the bittersweet reality of relational health: both deep sorrow and deep serenityI won’t be able to respond to each individual message I receive. And, I appreciate your concern. Take good care of yourselves and spread Aloha. 

Kindly,

Amy E
Amy Elizabeth Gordon | Relationship Doula
Serving Hawai’i Island and beyond
808-936-3733
You matter. Your relationships matter.

clear your mind  
open your heart  
rekindle your spirit  
energize your life
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Aloha Friday: Sovereignty of Self

power

Aloha Dear One, 

Lest we fall further into the Realm of Despair, let’s come back to our senses with this powerful exercise. Let’s take a moment to connect with something bigger than us. Sure, worry, fear, and outrage are bigger than us. But what else is? For inspiration, click the whale image below to visit another realm entirely.  

When things feel a bit swirly and outta control, come back to your senses. Turn off the news or the worries in your mind and instead, listen to a special moment in your life (perhaps from all those videos waiting in your phone for your attention). That’s what I did today and so I share this precious whale memory from earlier this year. 

My body, my choice.

In the winter, I jumped in the mighty Pacific and allowed the songs of Humpbacks and the ocean to hold me. I reunite with this power greater than myself in this moment of euphoric recall. From this place, I’m rejuvenated to face the reality of current events, events of a personal, national, and/or global nature. 

On this Aloha Friday, let’s pause, breathe, and reset and take a moment to reflect on what went well (in our personal lives) this week. 

Let’s create BREATHING ROOM in our lives for personal joy to multiply and personal sorrow to divide. 

  • JOY: My decisions around what goes into my body are mostly healthy and I have the great good fortune of being sober, sane, and serene. 
  • SORROW: My body keeps the score of old traumas and transgressions and my hips ache and my skin itches as I continue to process and release the old stuff – the old haunts (mine and my ancestors). 

Here’s a nudge: Help spread the light of high-vibe living, rather than contract in fear or rage and fuel the spew of negativity. This is not pollyanna thinking or spiritual-bypassing. This is about staying sober, sane and serene no matter what and coming back to your senses and trusting your Sovereignty is your true power.

This self-sovereignty is the power we share with each other in a regenerative world. We don’t need guns to feel safe or governments to protect us, we need to WAKE UP and take back our power. Does the media have the power to determine if we are heartbroken? I think not. 

Ground in the gratitude of your own Sovereignty. From this place of empowerment, you can more readily promote healthier choices, loving relations, and help multiply joys.

  • Own your privilege
  • Own your heartache
  • Own your choices
  • Own your sovereignty.  

Your matter. 

Your relationships matter. 

Warmly,

Amy 

power
https://vimeo.com/723913596

click the link above to listen to male humpback whale song from 2/22

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Healthy Family Communication Tips

healthy family

Did you know that when we communicate there are actually up to 4 conversations going on — simultaneously?

1. The one you think in your head.

2. The one you actually say.

3. The one the other person(s) hear(s).

4. The one you wish you had said.

One thing I’m particularly grateful for is getting through my mom’s recent death and entering the holiday season strong with healthy communication with family of origin and my in-laws.

Sure, it’s work, but it’s so flippin’ rewarding. It’s freeing to feel the lack of energy drain. To feel resourced. To put my head to the pillow at night without rehashing what he said, what I should have said, and second guessing myself and/or judging others.

It’s truly liberating. 

If you’d like some helpful tips (and lots of wonderful hyperlinks for resources), please check out this article by my fellow Imago colleague, Jeannie Ingram. 

Healthy Family Communication Tips

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Where can you be more free?

liberation

Aloha Dear Ones,

This past month has been an incredible opportunity for me to practice radical self-care even when I’m far from my paradise of Hawaii and the comfort of family and friends. 

You see, there’s nothing quite like waiting for the last exhale of your mother.

Talk about anxiety-provoking. After bringing my mom home from the hospital with hospice care, there were times when I couldn’t sit still for more than 20 minutes. 

I titrated my anxiety the best I could. I didn’t drink the bottles of wine. I didn’t binge on Netflix. I didn’t engage in the drama of old family stuff swirling around my ankles. Instead, I did laundry and ate a few bites of non-dairy ice cream and called it good. I honored my non-negotiable and took walks daily. And believe it or not, I slept. I wailed. I prayed. I created peace within my own tender heart as the only thing I felt I could do for my mom. 

My point in sharing all this is that I didn’t abandon myself.

I trusted myself to take radically good care of myself while I waited for my mom to die. I leaned in to feel the feels and I backed off when it felt too much. 

  • I cut myself some slack. 
  • I released expectations. 
  • I relinquished the idea that I would do it “right.”

This resulted in greater liberation.

When I taste liberation it’s often due to my daily commitment to trust myself to no longer abandon ANY aspect of myself. Including the anxiety. Including the grief.

And so my awareness of myself translates to greater curiosity of you: how is your heart? How are doing in this gig called life? 

  • When have you abandoned aspects of your whole Self?
  • How do you get to show up to your life in a more generous and responsible manner? 
  • Where can you be more free?

Where can you be more free?

Let’s connect and explore these questions, and more, in a few days. 

(free) Distinctions of Extraordinary Living Masterclass Zoom Meeting

ZOOM INFORMATION

Time: Friday, November 19th, 2021

9 AM Hawaii/ 11 AM Seattle/ noon Denver/ 2 PM New York/ 8 PM Paris

click here for your time zone 

Join Zoom Meeting

Zoom ID 808-936-3733

Passcode: Aloha

Warmly,

Amy | Relationship Doula 

to book a session with me   

Don’t forget: You matter. Your relationships matter.