Posted on

Healthy Family Communication Tips

healthy family

Did you know that when we communicate there are actually up to 4 conversations going on — simultaneously?

1. The one you think in your head.

2. The one you actually say.

3. The one the other person(s) hear(s).

4. The one you wish you had said.

One thing I’m particularly grateful for is getting through my mom’s recent death and entering the holiday season strong with healthy communication with family of origin and my in-laws.

Sure, it’s work, but it’s so flippin’ rewarding. It’s freeing to feel the lack of energy drain. To feel resourced. To put my head to the pillow at night without rehashing what he said, what I should have said, and second guessing myself and/or judging others.

It’s truly liberating. 

If you’d like some helpful tips (and lots of wonderful hyperlinks for resources), please check out this article by my fellow Imago colleague, Jeannie Ingram. 

Healthy Family Communication Tips

Posted on

Where can you be more free?

liberation

Aloha Dear Ones,

This past month has been an incredible opportunity for me to practice radical self-care even when I’m far from my paradise of Hawaii and the comfort of family and friends. 

You see, there’s nothing quite like waiting for the last exhale of your mother.

Talk about anxiety-provoking. After bringing my mom home from the hospital with hospice care, there were times when I couldn’t sit still for more than 20 minutes. 

I titrated my anxiety the best I could. I didn’t drink the bottles of wine. I didn’t binge on Netflix. I didn’t engage in the drama of old family stuff swirling around my ankles. Instead, I did laundry and ate a few bites of non-dairy ice cream and called it good. I honored my non-negotiable and took walks daily. And believe it or not, I slept. I wailed. I prayed. I created peace within my own tender heart as the only thing I felt I could do for my mom. 

My point in sharing all this is that I didn’t abandon myself.

I trusted myself to take radically good care of myself while I waited for my mom to die. I leaned in to feel the feels and I backed off when it felt too much. 

  • I cut myself some slack. 
  • I released expectations. 
  • I relinquished the idea that I would do it “right.”

This resulted in greater liberation.

When I taste liberation it’s often due to my daily commitment to trust myself to no longer abandon ANY aspect of myself. Including the anxiety. Including the grief.

And so my awareness of myself translates to greater curiosity of you: how is your heart? How are doing in this gig called life? 

  • When have you abandoned aspects of your whole Self?
  • How do you get to show up to your life in a more generous and responsible manner? 
  • Where can you be more free?

Where can you be more free?

Let’s connect and explore these questions, and more, in a few days. 

(free) Distinctions of Extraordinary Living Masterclass Zoom Meeting

ZOOM INFORMATION

Time: Friday, November 19th, 2021

9 AM Hawaii/ 11 AM Seattle/ noon Denver/ 2 PM New York/ 8 PM Paris

click here for your time zone 

Join Zoom Meeting

Zoom ID 808-936-3733

Passcode: Aloha

Warmly,

Amy | Relationship Doula 

to book a session with me   

Don’t forget: You matter. Your relationships matter.

Posted on

My religion is gratitude

gratitude

Grounding in gratitude for what is and what isn’t is the most powerful spiritual practices out there. Here’s a personal/family update regarding gratitude and an invitation.

family update

We flew for the first time in many moons when we went to Kauai for a summer holiday a few weeks ago. We explored the gorgeous and sacred Na Pali Coast by boat and trail. We played hard. We breathed gratitude for the majesty of Mother Earth, Papa Sky, and the Gods of the Ocean. 

We made it home safely from our trip and the next day Everett, our 17-year-old son, developed pain in his right lower abdomen. My intuition guided me to take him to the hospital for an Emergency Room visit, CT scan, then surgery to remove his appendix.

Grounding in gratitude the whole time, when I felt the rug pulled out from under me after 2 hours of sleep.  The surgeon showed me photos of an unexpected liver mass on Everett’s young body he discovered during surgery. 

Shock. Uncertainty. Conviction. 

Settling solidly on the conviction that everything is going to be okay no matter what, I was grateful beyond measure. The belief in my ability to be present and attentive and non-reactive was solid and soft and powerful. Okay, sure, I admit that I sobbed, but then it cleared my head to ask what’s next? (Flying to Oahu for MRI on Thursday).

I’m choosing to let go of right or wrong about whether the surgeon should have biopsied the mass while he was in there. I’m choosing gratitude for Ev’s health. I’m choosing gratitude for this discovery now, and adopting compassionate curiosity of what’s next? 

invitations

Invitations: Take a few moments to ask yourself: Where in your life do you choose being grateful over being right? Where do you hunger for ease and less worry? Where do you get your energy to keep on keeping on when life gets lifey?

You’re invited to join us next Friday for the Distinctions of Extraordinary Living Masterclass on Reactivation. Everett is once again our special guest. 

When I think of religion, I consider the definition: “a pursuit or interest to which someone ascribes supreme importance.”

My religion is gratitude. I ascribe the  practice of gratitude supreme importance in my life. I feel grounded when I’m in gratitude for what is, and grateful for what isn’t.

My favorite quote of the week

“The answer to who is right

 and who is wrong is who cares?”

~ Terry Real, Ecology of Relationships 

Big love & tenderness,

Amy

p.s. Let me know if you plan to join our July Masterclass on REACTIVATION with my special guest, Everett Gordon. 

Posted on

a swollen tenderness of unusual proportion

This past weekend was an opportunity for me to rest deeply. Napping three days in a row, I metabolized the 2nd vaccine shot and felt a swollen tenderness in my armpit of unusual proportion. Here are some ways I used this swollen tenderness, this restful weekend, and really the last year:

Swollen Tenderness Practice

  • a mindfulness practice, noticing my yoga practice is vital to my wellbeing. It requires reaching with my arm, doing downward dog, pulling on my armpit, and so many other activities of daily living require and benefit from this stretch!
  • a reminder that I’m willing to care for others in a way my selfish (read this clear example:”I don’t need the vaccine”) part of me doesn’t. Prior to the pandemic, I opted out of many vaccines. a demonstration of how I shifted from the extremes and became more “middle way’ in my approach to communal health. (see above)
  • a curiosity as my in-laws, in their mid-70s, had little to no reaction to their 2nd shot and my friends and I did? (a reminder “we” are not me; we all respond differently to life.)
  • a reminder to tap into my tenderness over and over again: Releasing the pain of my right hip and embracing the tenderness of my lymph system doing its job. an opportunity to be grateful for what I have and what I don’t. I don’t have a list of family and friends who died in the pandemic. I have privilege. (How do I use it for good is a vital question for me)
  • an inspiration for me to share and be grateful I know myself even more after the last year of the big pause. (I hope you do, too.)

Mother’s Day 2021

On Sunday, Mother’s Day, I cherished the time with my boys. Snuggling and reviewing assertive communication skills and sharing joys of familial connection. I realized after our hour long huddle/cuddle puddle about this very topic that Everett and I actually taught a Masterclass on it years ago.

Here’s a recording of this golden nugget. The link is below and it is also embedded in one of my favorite photos of him when he won the “Compassion Award” three years ago.

This Masterclass Recording is My Mother’s Day gift to you. Please share freely with others who you feel might benefit from deeply knowing themselves and being able to assertively express that to others.  Your Relationships, Reimagined: Assertive Communication with your Child

You matter. Your relationships matter. 

Warmly, 

Amy | Relational Health Guide
for a heart-storming phone call or an empowering communication clarity Zoom

p.s. Have a laugh with this great video about relationships upon re-entry!!! 2 min Gum commercial https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7mOX7NE8ZI

Facebook
Instagram
YouTube
Vimeo
LinkedIn
Posted on

What Matters Most Variety Hour: Focus

focus and finish

Focus, eliminate the trauma, the drama, the trouble of any kind and focus on love and keeping things REAL. This month, February 13th, the theme of our Variety Hour is focus. Join us for a power hour packed with fun.

Please invite a friend and join us for this free event. You matter. Your relationships matter. So let’s gather and FOCUS on what matters most.

Right now so many people are losing focus on what matters most. Let’s keep the focus on keeping it REAL. Let’s get more our relationships to be REAL: RESOURCED. ENGAGED. AWARE. LOVING.

Here’s a sneak peak of the special guests for this Saturday’s show:

  • We have Tara Galeano leading a meditation
  • We have my husband Marc offering up a tasty treat & recipe
  • We have a quick glimpse of how to shift focus away from perfection and toward your heart’s desire with Caroline Garnet McGraw.

check this 7 min video out: https://vimeo.com/507689002/8c8e98055a


Caroline Garnet McGraw is an author, speaker, and coach for recovering perfectionists. She’s the creator of A Wish Come Clear, a popular blog devoted to trading perfectionism for possibility, as well as several online interview series. She’s a two-time TEDx speaker, and her essays have been featured on The Huffington Post, Momastery, and Women For One. Caroline lives in Florence, Alabama with her family.

to find out more about Caroline’s new book, click here: https://awishcomeclear.com/amy-elizabeth

Posted on

extending radical kindness

pumpkin health

This year I wore a clown costume to the farmer’s market on Halloween. It’s an annual good laugh, guaranteed. This year it didn’t work. The atmosphere was/is charged with anxiety and worry about the virus, the election, the future. 

This piqued my already present social anxiety to a new level. Freshly reminded of one of the primary reasons of why I drank alcohol (it served as a social lubricant), I got to use my tools of radical self-care to calm myself down, reality check with my husband, and remind myself everything is going to be okay. 

How will we survive and even thrive to enjoy a more beautiful world our hearts know is possible?

Be healthy, be kind, and be in the moment. 

Get extra sleep, commune with Natural Great Beauty, and smile. From this place of being resourced, you are able to serve others.

Remember: you cannot transmit something you haven’t got, be it virus/judgement/hatred/disregard or kindness/wellbeing/love in your heart. 

Here are a few resources for you on election eve. 

Election Distractor

homemade chocolate cups

calm your anxiety

Holding you high in my heart. 

Take good care of yourself and then serve others, 

Warmly,

~ Amy Elizabeth 

p.s. finally, here’s a post from my good friend Eric Savage

who put his thoughts about the election,

which is so divisive in our “united” states, beautifully, 

Do you care about our country?

Then I don’t care how you vote.

Do you take time to serve others?

Then I don’t care how you vote.

Do you demonstrate unconditional love to your family?

Then I don’t care how you vote.

Do you extend kindness to strangers?

Then I don’t care how you vote.

Do you love people who have different beliefs than you?

Then I don’t care how you vote.

Are you trying to become a better version of yourself to better serve the world?

Then I don’t care how you vote.

Are you afraid to share how you voted for fear of losing friends?

You need not fear – I don’t care how you vote.

I learn far more about your character by what you do in your everyday life than I ever will by watching you vote.  So make your vote for whatever reasons are important to you, and then go right back to being the good human being you’ve always been.  The world has rarely been made better by politicians anyway… but it’s ALWAYS made better by people acting like good humans to one another.

Aloha kekahi i kekahi – love one another.

#MahaloMindset 

Well said, Eric.