Posted on

3 steps to relational health

Do you know that the story I tell myself about my life carries just as much weight as the vision I have for my life?

Life can feel heavy and burdensome, almost smothering, or supportive and steady like gravity. 

I can choose the later, I choose aloha (love & compassion) over pilikia (trouble of any kind). 

Today I align my story and my vision. And I regularly take the steps of commitment, compassion, and communication to optimize wellness in all my relationships.

No more woe is me, though there are still hard times. 

No more I can’t do it, though at times I feel alone (and I can’t do this gig called life alone). 

No more blaming or shaming others, cause when i do it, it doesn’t get me where I want to be. 

This is incredibly liberating and terrifying all at the same time! Given the hard times I’ve been through (and as Brené Brown says, we all come from hard times) I could spin a story of woe or tale of empowerment.

In case you hadn’t noticed yet, I choose Empowerment. Transparency. Authenticity.

Breaking free from negativity has been (and continues to be) the transformational journey of a lifetime. For example…

Addictive behaviors robbed my soul of the beauty of the present moment, I’m now nearly 25 years sober, knowing my recovery is a gift. 

My husband was married to another woman (GASP, I know!) when we first met in graduate school 22 years ago. We’re now nearly 17 years happily married, knowing we have transformed many challenges into opportunities for deep connection.  

In the past, I was a crazy, anxious, uptight woman, suffering a nervous breakdown in my early 20s. Now nearly 30 years as a practicing meditator, yogini, and lover of earth, I know that tenderness, power, and generosity are the fruits of my labor. 

My point in sharing all of this with you is to connect the dots. 

Me to you. My past to my present. Ordinary to extraordinary.

That’s what’s possible with relationship coaching:

Moving from ordinary to extraordinary. From negativity to connection. 

Extraordinary relationships require commitment, compassion, & communication and my coaching program explores these 3 steps to extraordinary living. 

Good news, I’m prepared to bring decades of experience to guide you on this journey and to offer aloha, accountability, and inspiration. See details below.

Jump in to surrender to the success of the moment, gain inspiration, learn skills to communicate more clearly and cultivate a compassionate heart. 

P.S. It really is true that relationships matter most. Think about it. Nothing really works in your life if your relationship has a negative charge. Take a stand for what matters most today.   

With warm Aloha ~ Amy 

You Matter. Your Relationships Matter. 

Introducing: Core Connections Coaching Program

Extraordinary relationships require these 3 steps: commitment, compassion & communication:

For 9 months, we dive deep into the realms of commitment, compassion, and communication as you birth your Tender-Hearted Self, enjoy greater connection, and live an extraordinary life. 

  •  Name negative behavior patterns to tame them
  •  Learn conflict is growth trying to happen

Commitment:

  • Declarations of desires and ways of being: what vision, by when
  • Key distinctions of extraordinary lives: starting with Trust, Focus, Repair, Faith

Compassion:

  • Contemplative exercises of yoga & meditation to cultivate awareness, acceptance, and compassion
  • Creative exercises to spark joy and energy in your life

Clear Communication:

  • Look at your styles of verbal and non-verbal communication.
  • Refresh skills around assertive, non-violent, and intentional dialogue

This program is for you if you’re ready to take their relational health to the next level.

We all live in a relational world and these tools will up-level the quality of your life and leave you resourced to live an extraordinary life.

Have you ever considered that how you do one thing is how you do everything?

This program will benefit all your relationships. You’re going to get the best of me. 

Guaranteed.

Posted on

Forgiveness: For-giving

forgiveness

Last night was date night. No set plans but kids out of the house and the rare moment to ourselves. We didn’t make a meal together. Rather we ate a few snacks, which for me included a third of a pint of Salted Caramel Coconut Bliss ice cream.

It was cold and I asked Marc to make a fire. While he obliged, my sugar high set in and suddenly I wanted the house clean. Sound familiar? So I started grumbling and rumbling around the kitchen and asking for help. Marc obliged and then pushed back.

Date night bust

I could witness what I was doing was not getting me where I wanted to go — which was on a date night of bliss not sugar induced activity and disgruntlement followed by the real epic bomb of the evening, I passed out on the couch.

I fell asleep during our date night and missed the funny movie and the fire.

When I attempted reconnection upstairs, we were both fairly spent and unsettled, at the same time.

We didn’t go to bed upset, we made some gestures of reconciliation, but it wasn’t blissful.

Rupture happens. Repair happens.

If I’m willing to forgive.

I forgive myself.

I forgive him.

Forgiveness: for-giving

Remembering the energy behind forgiveness: for-giving, I pivoted my morning plans and made another bid for connection.

We enjoyed coffee, private time, and a trip to the local farmer’s market as a beautiful start to our Saturday.

In the past, Friday night’s flub-up could have rattled me big time.

Up until now, we might how given each other a wide berth, kind of a silent zone of caution, instead of leaning in to reconnect.

Tender, powerful, generous

Today, I live as my true self: tender, powerful, generous. From this resourced place, I look for the myriad of ways I can advocate for my partner’s wellbeing. It’s not clearing off the kitchen shelf. Rather, his wellbeing during date night requires me to be off my devices, not in a sugar coma, and present to love, laughter, and ease that we create together.

For that I am truly grateful.

Forgiveness is also letting go of the notion of ever having a different past. Last night happened. There is no rewind button. I don’t have to beat up on myself for it. I can live and let live. And then there is more harmony, almost as a natural by-product.

Ho’oponopono

I’m reminded of the practice of ho’oponopono.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

In Hawai’i, we have these four sentences as the backbone of forgiveness. The ultimate relational repair tool for ruptured connection. Try it. And comment below how it feels to you.

 

Posted on

Release to Know and Give Peace

mike-kenneally-1044986-unsplash.jpg

Release to Know and Give Peace

This ancient blessing deals with forgiveness, affection, detachment and liberation and was created in the Nahuatl language, spoken in Mexico.

“I release my parents from the feeling that they have already failed me.

I release my children from the need to bring pride to me; that they may write their own ways according to their hearts, that whisper all the time in their ears.

I release my partner from the obligation to complete myself. I do not lack anything. I learn with all beings all the time.

I thank my grandparents and forefathers who have gathered so that I can breathe life today.

I release them from past failures and unfulfilled desires, aware that they have done their best to resolve their situations within the consciousness they had at that moment.

I honor you, I love you and I recognize you as innocent.

I am transparent before your eyes, so they know that I do not hide or owe anything other than being true to myself and to my very existence, that walking with the wisdom from the heart, I am aware that I fulfill my life project, free from invisible and visible family loyalties that might disturb my Peace and Happiness, which are my only responsibilities.

 I renounce the role of savior, of being one who unites or fulfills the expectations of others.

Learning through, and only through, LOVE, I bless my essence, my way of expressing, even though somebody may not understand me. 

I understand myself, because I alone have lived and experienced my history; because I know myself, I know who I am, what I feel, what I do and why I do it.

I respect and approve myself.

I honor the Divinity in me and in you.

We are free.”

(This ancient blessing was created in the Nahuatl language, spoken in Mexico. It deals with forgiveness, affection, detachment and liberation). 

I send this on Saint Patrick’s Day, to honor the Irish legacy in my life. I release my grandmother from the grips of alcoholism. I am sober in her honor and to leave a legacy of love as a sober woman of integrity. 

Posted on

Annual Relationship Review Time

annual review

Annual Relationship Review is a worthy investment of your time. It’s that time of year to reflect on the memories and highlights and, most importantly, to share them with those you love. Then contemplate what you would like to experience in the year ahead. Research shows, you write it down, it is more likely to happen. Think of it as fertilizer for the space between; the relational field that yields abundant crops of all that your heart desires.

Problem:

We complain about the quality of our lives without taking stock of what goes in and out of our lives. The years pass by without savoring the sweet moments and metabolizing the grief. We feel powerless.

Solution:

Take inventory of your primary relationship. Carve out the time to jot down your thoughts and share with your beloved in an intentional dialogue. You take inventory of your fridge to keep it clean and fresh in order to sustain your body. Now it is important to inventory that which feeds your soul: your primary relationships.

Results:

Successful relationships by your own chosen standard result from taking personal responsibility for what matters most in your life and creating the extraordinary life you want. The ultimate result: you love your love life.

Annual Review Time:

carve out time with your Beloved and ask

How did I add to your life in 2023?
How would you like me to add to your life in 2024?

What helped you to feel loved and safe in 2023?
What would help you to feel loved and safe in 2024?

What precious memories do you have from 2023?
What precious memories would you like to create in 2024?

How did you see me grow in 2023?
In what ways would you like me to grow in 2024?

What did you learn from me in 2023?
What would you like us to learn in 2024?

A New Year Dialogue

1. What I contributed to our relationship this year is…..
2. What I appreciate about your contribution to our relationship this year is….
3. Concerning my part in our relationship, what I would be glad to leave behind, and say goodbye to, towards our continued work is……
4. A Growth Gift that I’m giving myself….
5. A Growth Gift that I’m giving you is…….

Do this with your partner and also with your family. Thereby, you invest in what mattes most.

Let me know if I can coach you through this process.

Before the end of the year, do this because you matter and your relationships matter.

Posted on

Step into the Portal of Ritual

Christmas wishes

Step into the portal of ritual. This time of year rings of ritual and meaning for many and echoes of emptiness and longing for many more. This being human is relentless, it is an ending chore of intake, release, repeat. What is the portal of ritual that you enter this time of year? Today is Winter Solstice. 

Ingest, Digest, Assimilate, Eliminate. Inhale, Delight, Exhale, Wonder

The dark of the night comes. The winds, the rain, the snow, the surf, all swirling around the seemingly static features in life.

What is the portal of ritual that you enter this time of year? Today is Winter Solstice. winter solstice ritual

lake taupo

 A Ceremony to honor this time of year. Our family travelled to Aotearoa and this photo was in front of Lake Taupo, Aotearoa with Hālau ʻŌhiʻa, our Hawaiʻi lifeways.

Solstice, longest night of the year. Earlier this week we choose to celebrate bringing back the light and honoring the dark. For a special night we host a candle gift exchange and simple quality time with friends. It is a ritual to sit in the dark with friends, no devices, and light candles and sing. It is sacred. 

In our family, we also celebrate Christmas, with our special expansion of the energy of this event. Christmas Wishes- a Gordon ʻOhana (family) tradition to spread out the joy (and remind our kids, and ourselves, that the true happiness in life is not about materialistic things!!!)

CHRISTMAS W.I.S.H.E.S. 20-25th of December

*Warmth : the energy of life.

World hugs and Heart fire! (when we lived in the Pacific NW we knitted scarves and hats and bought new wool layers. Here we get new sun-shirts if need). You can generate warmth by doing breath of fire (yogic breathwork).

*Illumination : the bringing of the light

– stoke the inner flame (we make candles, luminaries, fires). You can generate illumination through breath of fire and imagine it is igniting the inner fire within you. 

*Sweetness : the sweetness of life, hugs, kisses,

and yummy eats, too (chocolate or organic treats) (Toby wants his own organic egg nog). You can generate sweetness by allowing that inner fire to soften your succulent cells with the sweetness of unconditional love, love that is not contingent upon anything else.

*Health : our true wealth

we take a family walk, hike or swim together (we stock up on vitamins or acupuncture or massage). 

You can generate health by recognizing how good the sensation of love is in your being. The oxytocin, the God chemical, the substance of life generates wholesomeness in your being.

*Earth : air, fire and water

habitation of humanity, nurturing personal responsibility (we pick up trash, plant trees, mālama ʻāina, take care of the earth). 

You can generate earth by allowing the gods to guide your feet, treading lightly with each step, each consumption, each interaction.

*Santa : saint of spirited giving

Good behavior, respect, and we decide on one global charity to donate to, this year to help with bees and goats and trees for communities in need. The spirit of generosity is also demonstrated through gift giving.

You can generate the spirit of generosity by adding to the space between in each interaction.

Speaking kindly, honestly, and wholeheartedly, these rituals are most needed and welcome on this planet.

Warmest wishes to all of you! In whatever portal you enter the sacred. Love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on

Know Your Bigger Why in Life

know your why

It is essential to know your bigger why in life. Identify where you want to be in your relationship with your beloved. Focus on one action you can take to help get you there. Have accountability with a coach, therapist, or trusted friend. And by all means, know your why. This serves as fuel to keep you committed, keep you focused, and keep you willing.

Relationships take work. No doubt about it, they do. It is so easy to get overwhelmed with the whole thing and succumb to focusing on what is not working. Please don’t despair. Problem is we expect others to read our minds. We expect others to change. To make us happy. We loose sight of our why and we loose motivation to bring our best self forth.

You deserve to have the relationship of your dreams but you gotta know your dreams. What is your why? If it’s for the kids, dig deeper. If it’s for the convenience, scratch the surface to see what’s underneath. Bring mindfulness and loving awareness to your presence on this planet. We need you. You matter and your relationships matter.

A League of Extraordinary Couples

Here’s the thing, we need to know our whys and live them loud and proud. Presently I’m in the process of interviewing folks for my next online show, A League of Extraordinary Couples. And it is too sad to hear many responses such as, “I don’t know many people in extraordinary relationships. And if I do they don’t want to talk about it, much less be interviewed.” WHAT?

Self, Other, and Spirit

No wonder the world is falling apart at the seams. Wake up folks. The time is now to recognize that we live in a relational reality. The quality of the relationships we have with Self, Other, and Spirit are the glue that holds the fabric of our societies together. This is the S.O.S. of our times. Know the big why we want a good life. Know the big why regarding why we are committed to our Self, to Other, and to Spirit.

My big why

A dear friend asked me to go deeper in my posts, so here I go.

My big why—I’m committed to myself because I’m a loving and sober woman of integrity on a movement to grow compassion and heal the planet, one relationship at a time. I’m a loving and committed wife to my beloved husband Marc–My big why is because when I advocate for his wellbeing, part of me grows and heals and stretches into a more holistic way of being. I’m a loving and vibrant vessel for Spirit to shine forth–My big why is because when I create space for grace, my soul welcomes in even more of the Creative Spirit of the Universe and I’m of maximum service to God and my fellows. It creates a loving spiral of strength and sustainable energy.

My deeper why

My deeper why is because I’ve been on the other side of healthy relations with Self, Other, and Spirit.  Surviving abuse, trauma and addiction, I’ve also mistreated others and felt the consequences of my actions. Questioning Spirit and feeling condemned. I’ve been to hell and I don’t want to go back. Therefore, I found my why.

That’s my deeper why. If you are interested in more of my personal story of transformation, you’re in luck. My first published book is on the way. My baby is coming, I’m in labor at this very moment. Exhilarating and a bit surreal, I must admit it is both. Stay tuned…

Call to action:

I’d be honored to know your big why? What gets you out of bed in the morning? What’s your purpose? I’d love to know. Please share below. I thank you, in advance, for your time and attention to your own bigger why.