sex Archives | Amy Elizabeth, Master of Arts

How do you define intimacy? Deeply penetrating connection? Vulnerability? Passion? Release? Erotic Delight? Well, perhaps we can also consider defining it with this fun play on the word:

Intimacy= in-to-me-see

Monogamy and marriage weren’t in my plans as a teenager. This punk-rock-rebel was ready to change the world and had a different future in mind. Then I got sober at the age of 24 and the life of a Buddhist nun gained appeal. So I took Buddhist refuge vows and went on many solitary meditation retreats.

Then I met Marc, in graduate school at Naropa. And something shifted within me.

Here I am. Married for 18 years to this amazing man, I’ve had plenty of ups and downs regarding sex and intimacy. I come from a history of trauma and abuse and miraculously I don’t dwell in that echo chamber.

We are wounded in relationship, we are healed in relationship

Gratefully, today I have amazing sexual satisfaction and ever-expanding opportunities to stretch myself and release into passion and pleasure even more. (Full disclosure, I also have peri-menopausal roller coaster moments that impact my sexuality. With wholehearted presence to this transition in my life, we make it through the difficult moments; it’s both/and).

Believe it or not, being a bright light to intimacy starts with trusting myself to no longer abandon myself. In-to-me-see. If you want to hear more on this topic, tune in now to my interview on Dr. Nancy Moonstarr’s incredible show, ‘A Man’s Guide To Intimacy.’ From her email:

Trust Yourself to No Longer Abandon Yourself

Amy interview, entitled, Trust Yourself to No Longer Abandon Yourself, suggests deep safety and trust begin with your own self’s behavior. Sometimes “cutting” yourself some slack is also involved because of such steep standards that may be impossible to maintain.

Amy is so nakedly vulnerable as she helps men understand a woman’s need for reassurance and pause for a hug at delicate moments. Her past experiences are brought into discussion for you to better understand your beloved.

Amy is a bright light to the world of relationship building in the deepest living sense of being present.

Breathing techniques are introduced for all to practice. Breathing serves to soothe, neutralize and release unwanted tension. Amy also adds a big view of how you may be inter-generationally impacting and healing the world.

It’s not too late for healthy sexuality

Please join me as I’m interviewed by a psychologist, Dr. Nancy Moonstarr along with 20 other experts as part of a series; A Man’s Guide To Intimacy – Open Her Up So She Tells You What She Wants. Together, we focus on men and offer secrets, tips and intimacy advice.

This is an unusual series that allows deep penetration into the body, mind, heart, and soul. This free series starts on November 11th, 2020. A day considered to be especially lucky in love! You can register for ‘A Man’s Guide To Intimacy’

Whew, it’s been stretchy to do this interview, to send this email, to talk about a subject I was not raised talking about openly. My intention is to help anyone with healthy relationships. This particular interview is based on my experience as a heterosexual woman married to a man. I’m owning the fact that this is a heteronormative interview setting. I’m simultaneously acknowledging the reality that man/female sexual relations are not the only valid, normal, intimate relations.

Here’s to being stretchy and if this message helps one person, it is worth the effort!

Warmly,

Amy E

Our kuleana, our responsibility, is to be true to ourselves, so that we can be true to others, When we inhabit our lives fully, enjoy our own embodied presence, then we can show up in conscious connection. From here, we can be amazing partners and feel higher love.

Relational responsibility takes work

Our romantic relationship cycled through lust, attraction and attachment, all the way into a satisfying long-term marriage. The romantic phase gave us the juice to experience the transformative power of love. For us it started hot, it burned wildly, and it still keeps us warm inside. Our marriage and our mutual commitment provide the most rewarding opportunity to grow and heal; to give and receive love. It is our responsibility to show up and do this.

We’re really expecting a lot from our romantic partners

On one hand we want stability in our partner. Reliability, predicable safety and security.

On the other hand, we want a sense of fresh aliveness. Wild, erotic, new, mysterious wonder and amazement.

In one person!

Esther Perel, an erotic desire expert, explores this conundrum in her groundbreaking work on couples and partnerships. She explores the crisis of desire by asking, “can we love what we already have?”

Check out her book Mating in Captivity or her many TED Talks if you want more about this or her blog here https://estherperel.com/blog/let-go-of-being-the-perfect-partner

Instead of looking for the right partner, we become the right partner

Many couples cycle through the romantic phase and wind up in the power struggle phase only to split up because the illusion of finding the perfect partner which fuels the search for someone better. When we want perfection, we fall in love with the potential of someone (and ourselves). We tell ourselves we will be okay only if he changes.

In early power struggle stages, I often blamed my husband. It wasn’t until I took 100% responsibility for my 50% of the dynamic that awareness blossomed. Responsibility, kuleana, is essential in committed relationships.

Shift your focus. Your kuleana is you first. Look within. Just do you. Be comfortable in your own skin. From here, just do your partner. I take responsibility for my own happiness. I manufacture my own misery whenever I want my husband to be different than he is. It typically happens when I want myself to be different than I am. It’s a contagion. It fuels the power struggle.

Make it safe, connect, and feel the joy

Communication breeds safety for more vulnerable expression of desires, preferences and dislikes. Sex gets better when we express our needs, our desires, both in the bedroom and outside. More intimacy, in-to-me-see, more pleasure. When I give and receive in all aspects of our relationship, I am more free to give and receive while making love. It’s so yummy.

The sex of long term committed relationship blows my mind! The juice from our mutual integrity and commitment fueled with the curiosity and mystery of the continual evolution of self and other is enticing. Remember, conscious partnership is recognizing we are not me. Incompatibility is really good news. See this blog for more https://amyelizabethgordon.com/incompatibility-is-good-news/

We fall in love with our own wholeness

From our embodied presence, we recognize differences with curiosity instead of struggle. If we spot it we got it–all those things we love about our partner (and all the things we despise). Our lost self, our hidden self, and our disowned self integrate back to a natural place of wholeness.

Tag: sex

Be a bright light to intimacy