Criticism is the protest of loss of connection. It is the adult cry
Last weekend I criticized my husband.
When what I wanted was deeper connection.
It was our 17th wedding anniversary. We had a lovely “staycation” at a friends’ house, taking care of their dogs, enjoying quality time without kiddos or parents around. (We live in a house of 6 in case you didn’t know.)
I asked Marc what he wanted to do for our special time together.
He replied, “sleep in, make love, nap, eat.” In that order.
I snapped back, “you sound like you’re caught in the animal realm.” (I was judgy, Like he’s a dog or something.)
Oops. That bombed.
What did I really want or need in that moment?
You see, the tender soft animal in me really wanted rest, sex, and food, too. But the highly motivated Go Getter in me wanted to GET SHIT DONE. Like editing my memoir, having our money talks, doing our podcast, etc.
At times, I get swallowed by the chronic doer inside of me. Thank God I have my husband to remind me to surrender into being.
WE ARE WOUNDED IN RELATIONSHIP AND WE CAN HEAL IN RELATIONSHIP.
From that tender place of being, we enjoyed an amazing weekend of connection, rest, sex (lots of it), food, and completed my wish-list, too.
- Marc read the first three chapters of my memoir and offered feedback.
- We had our challenging financial discussions and came together as a team.
- We interviewed for the Soulful Couples podcast (stay tuned for a link to that later).
What happened you might ask? How did we switch from conflict to connection?
- We remembered conflict is growth trying to happen.
- I returned to tender, opened my heart, and surrendered.
- Marc turned toward me instead of away, and returned to the bigger “we.”
It felt magical, but it’s not really. We are two consciously committed and lovingly connected humans who tenderly forgive ourselves for not being perfect and courageously express ourselves for what we really want. That is love.
Who are you when you surrender to your natural state of being, not doing?
After all, we are human beings, not human doings.