Last night was date night. No set plans but kids out of the house and the rare moment to ourselves. We didn’t make a meal together. Rather we ate a few snacks, which for me included a third of a pint of Salted Caramel Coconut Bliss ice cream.
It was cold and I asked Marc to make a fire. While he obliged, my sugar high set in and suddenly I wanted the house clean. Sound familiar? So I started grumbling and rumbling around the kitchen and asking for help. Marc obliged and then pushed back.
Date night bust
I could witness what I was doing was not getting me where I wanted to go — which was on a date night of bliss not sugar induced activity and disgruntlement followed by the real epic bomb of the evening, I passed out on the couch.
I fell asleep during our date night and missed the funny movie and the fire.
When I attempted reconnection upstairs, we were both fairly spent and unsettled, at the same time.
We didn’t go to bed upset, we made some gestures of reconciliation, but it wasn’t blissful.
Rupture happens. Repair happens.
If I’m willing to forgive.
I forgive myself.
I forgive him.
Remembering the energy behind forgiveness: for-giving, I pivoted my morning plans and made another bid for connection.
We enjoyed coffee, private time, and a trip to the local farmer’s market as a beautiful start to our Saturday.
In the past, Friday night’s flub-up could have rattled me big time.
Up until now, we might how given each other a wide berth, kind of a silent zone of caution, instead of leaning in to reconnect.
Tender, powerful, generous
Today, I live as my true self: tender, powerful, generous. From this resourced place, I look for the myriad of ways I can advocate for my partner’s wellbeing. It’s not clearing off the kitchen shelf. Rather, his wellbeing during date night requires me to be off my devices, not in a sugar coma, and present to love, laughter, and ease that we create together.
For that I am truly grateful.
Forgiveness is also letting go of the notion of ever having a different past. Last night happened. There is no rewind button. I don’t have to beat up on myself for it. I can live and let live. And then there is more harmony, almost as a natural by-product.
I’m reminded of the practice of ho’oponopono.
Please forgive me.
I love you.
In Hawai’i, we have these four sentences as the backbone of forgiveness. The ultimate relational repair tool for ruptured connection. Try it. And comment below how it feels to you.