Marital Bliss

hawai'i wedding retreat
  1. twenty-two years 
    of wedded bliss
    began
    a green-gold day
    with a hand-fasting.

the silk scarf–
tied,
not too tight, not too loose.

a Pacific Northwest
garden
gazing
gazebo

in Chetzemoka Park 
in a cathedral of cedars.
rimmed by salt water majesty,
bald eagles overhead

we flipped a coin,

to see who went first.
to share
hand-crafted vows.

i kid you not–
it landed on edge

2. i don’t recall–

who went first
or what we ate
or how much contra-
dancing we did. 

i can’t forget 

swirling and twirling
–diastole and sistole–
in passion’s embrace.
as we did the dance
of meet, mate, procreate.

laughing and crying,
thru living and dying,
heaving and trying,
moving and thriving,

we keep on keeping on.

on edge
we teeter
and totter
dizzyingly.

through hills of grief…
at times beyond belief
the boys maturing,
the parents dying,
the lines defining

smiles and limits.

3. each day brings 
renewed faith
in sunrise and
a delicious cup of
fresh brew from you.

thank you, boo

thou energies ebb
and energies flow,

our tender hearts
migrate
and find the
way
back

home–
to each
other

to the power of breath.
to the presence of now.
to surrender to gravity.

beckoning
the playful Spirit…

come,
guide
me.

to be loving, 
even when I don’t feel it.

to disappoint others,
but no longer mySelf.

to gratefully ground,
in the eye of the storm.

this perpetual tumult
finds
safety and shelter
in the stormy waves
this gig called life.

wherever we go…
come home to Self

forgive everyone,
for everything,

including Self.

finding patience with my impatience~

this is for-giving
letting go of the idea
of ever having a different past.

4. surrender to win
and
cease fighting.

striving leads to strife,

instead, we thrive on…

Forgiveness: For-giving

forgiveness

Last night was date night. No set plans but kids out of the house and the rare moment to ourselves. We didn’t make a meal together. Rather we ate a few snacks, which for me included a third of a pint of Salted Caramel Coconut Bliss ice cream.

It was cold and I asked Marc to make a fire. While he obliged, my sugar high set in and suddenly I wanted the house clean. Sound familiar? So I started grumbling and rumbling around the kitchen and asking for help. Marc obliged and then pushed back.

Date night bust

I could witness what I was doing was not getting me where I wanted to go — which was on a date night of bliss not sugar induced activity and disgruntlement followed by the real epic bomb of the evening, I passed out on the couch.

I fell asleep during our date night and missed the funny movie and the fire.

When I attempted reconnection upstairs, we were both fairly spent and unsettled, at the same time.

We didn’t go to bed upset, we made some gestures of reconciliation, but it wasn’t blissful.

Rupture happens. Repair happens.

If I’m willing to forgive.

I forgive myself.

I forgive him.

Forgiveness: for-giving

Remembering the energy behind forgiveness: for-giving, I pivoted my morning plans and made another bid for connection.

We enjoyed coffee, private time, and a trip to the local farmer’s market as a beautiful start to our Saturday.

In the past, Friday night’s flub-up could have rattled me big time.

Up until now, we might how given each other a wide berth, kind of a silent zone of caution, instead of leaning in to reconnect.

Tender, powerful, generous

Today, I live as my true self: tender, powerful, generous. From this resourced place, I look for the myriad of ways I can advocate for my partner’s wellbeing. It’s not clearing off the kitchen shelf. Rather, his wellbeing during date night requires me to be off my devices, not in a sugar coma, and present to love, laughter, and ease that we create together.

For that I am truly grateful.

Forgiveness is also letting go of the notion of ever having a different past. Last night happened. There is no rewind button. I don’t have to beat up on myself for it. I can live and let live. And then there is more harmony, almost as a natural by-product.

Ho’oponopono

I’m reminded of the practice of ho’oponopono.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

In Hawai’i, we have these four sentences as the backbone of forgiveness. The ultimate relational repair tool for ruptured connection. Try it. And comment below how it feels to you.