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Didn’t drop it? Then don’t pick it up

nature lover

I’m a nature lover, an environmentalist, a believer in the church of natural great beauty. In this church, I’ve spent a lot of time picking up other peoples trash. In the process of being a do-gooder, I’m nursing a heavy resentment of anger toward others. Questions such as the following pop up like weeds: Have you ever noticed that litter is usually the detritus of stuff that’s not good for you in the first place?

I don’t mean to label, but I will. Indulge me. Notice next time you see trash on the side of the road; it’s the potato chips/fast food/cigarette smoking/beer drinking bundles of proof haphazardly discarded that indicate that unhealthy people litter more than healthy ones. I don’t litter. I’m a good one. These sort of pep talks pepper my beach walks until I catch hold of that righteous bitch and stop her in her tracks. And stop her from picking up the trash.

The false responsibility is that I should clean it up, that it’s my fault even. That to be a do-gooder and the good gurl I must clear out the mess others leave behind (figuratively and literally).

I am unlearning this heavily ingrained habit. I learned during epic restoration work on the sacred Hawaiian island of Kaho’olawe (bombed by the US military in the flawed quest of seeking peace through destructive means) that if I didn’t drop it, I don’t pick it up. Granted the stakes were higher there. We had unexploded ordnance training, which is a fancy way of saying there’s a high probability that grenade or other device that would detonate upon disturbance was around us. 

Compare this to the prior year. A clear example of my enrolling do-gooder: To pull over on the side of the road and give the kids a trash bag and say OK we’re doing our family community project of 20 minutes of cleanup. This was on Saddle Road. Between the sacred mountains of Mauna Kea and Mauna Loa.

Semis sped by.

The fragile yet powerful ecosystem responds favorably to our intervention, but some still small voice reminds me that I’m just enabling people to desecrate the sacred land. It’s not my job to pick up other peoples trash anymore. The beach cleanups with elementary schools where we had a contest of who could get the most cigarette butts no longer inspires me. I don’t want enable slovenly behavior. 

It’s the flip side of sovereignty.

My history was dark and wild. I’m dark and wild. That is my true nature. And there is purity in that truth. And it’s beautiful. 

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Marital Bliss

hawai'i wedding retreat
  1. twenty-two years 
    of wedded bliss
    began
    a green-gold day
    with a hand-fasting.

the silk scarf–
tied,
not too tight, not too loose.

a Pacific Northwest
garden
gazing
gazebo

in Chetzemoka Park 
in a cathedral of cedars.
rimmed by salt water majesty,
bald eagles overhead

we flipped a coin,

to see who went first.
to share
hand-crafted vows.

i kid you not–
it landed on edge

2. i don’t recall–

who went first
or what we ate
or how much contra-
dancing we did. 

i can’t forget 

swirling and twirling
–diastole and sistole–
in passion’s embrace.
as we did the dance
of meet, mate, procreate.

laughing and crying,
thru living and dying,
heaving and trying,
moving and thriving,

we keep on keeping on.

on edge
we teeter
and totter
dizzyingly.

through hills of grief…
at times beyond belief
the boys maturing,
the parents dying,
the lines defining

smiles and limits.

3. each day brings 
renewed faith
in sunrise and
a delicious cup of
fresh brew from you.

thank you, boo

thou energies ebb
and energies flow,

our tender hearts
migrate
and find the
way
back

home–
to each
other

to the power of breath.
to the presence of now.
to surrender to gravity.

beckoning
the playful Spirit…

come,
guide
me.

to be loving, 
even when I don’t feel it.

to disappoint others,
but no longer mySelf.

to gratefully ground,
in the eye of the storm.

this perpetual tumult
finds
safety and shelter
in the stormy waves
this gig called life.

wherever we go…
come home to Self

forgive everyone,
for everything,

including Self.

finding patience with my impatience~

this is for-giving
letting go of the idea
of ever having a different past.

4. surrender to win
and
cease fighting.

striving leads to strife,

instead, we thrive on…

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sober creative rhythms

health

as I’m sitting here, experiencing tight hips
pondering persistent persnickety pain
no longer cussing on my cushion
my tolerance for discomfort expanding including heavy neck
invariably inviting greater pleasure, too, below the head

running and walking the track at sunrise
indeed aware that motion is lotion
the inner massage
so even when don’t feel like doing it
cultivate drive
devote to health

this births discipline
fuels creative fire

where’d like to be is feeling as good as yesterday
mother’s day,

breaking a 38-hour family

fast with a delicious meal
meditation
movement
quality time

of family love

one thing can help: pace
feelin’ good doesn’t mean need overextend
been there, done that, no more

what matters most is that i write to heal
as a sober creative woman of integrity
i send this telegraph out to the Universe
God hears it
Goddess knows it
Grace bestows it(self)

one thing i appreciate is the message from my therapist,
“Amy you get to put good things into your body.”
I almost cried.

wish i’d heard it way back when
grateful i heard it now…
finally i get to pass it along

you get to put good things in your body
maybe

it means a fast?
from food?
from media?
from work?

maybe

it means putting

good motion in your day
now i pause and go

mail a birthday card to a beloved friend
better than text
really

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sober creative nurturance

  1. it’s important to go fallow sometimes
    to be in the pause
    to rest and recalibrate to a new way of being

    recent months of becoming crone
    the elder in the household
    one of the wise ones riding menopausal waves
  2. do you know your ideal mothering traits?
    mine include patience, nudging to take risks, silence-breaking
    i’ve learned how to give myself these…

    as a child there were powerful creative women drowning in alcohol
    unable to set boundaries, to speak for what they needed
    to follow their heart’s desire

    running in the woods, swimming in the lake, dreaming with clouds
    these pockets of joy in an atmosphere of divorce, drinking and chronic doing
    cigarettes and cigars the playmates of my parents

    they provided what they could, coated in layers of fear
    i wanted to be able to make a mess, to be creative, to care less
    but i was told to be tidy, to clean up after others, to be safe

  3. i was afraid
    i was locked up inside
    dwelling in an overactive mind

    excelling at academics
    earning scholarships and praise all-the-while
    drinking alcoholically & seeding depression

    my maternal grandmother drank to death
    her liver failed her due to scarring and cirrhosis
    she died on mother’s day when i was 14

    i found recovery from my own disease 
    of drinking alcoholically
    nearly a decade later

    it runs in the family roots, my, mom, too
    danced dangerously with drink
    sober or not, i know not which, she died alone
  4. today i reflect
    on the gifts of being 
    a sober creative woman of integrity

    mothering two amazing children
    loving a hubby who just lost his parents
    bearing witness to the hardest year of his life

    menopause brings me closer to truth
    direct connect with the Divine
    Mother Earth guides me and is nudging me 

5. i’m writing more
i’m pausing more, painting more, paddling more
i’m offering more time in serving my clients


revive and reveal
our true nature

live an extraordinary life

no matter your past, trauma can thaw
love yourself as your own nurturing creative mother
and enjoy relational health with Self, Other, Spirit

sending you virtual hugs and creative blessings







Amy Elizabeth (a good enough mother)

Amy Elizabeth Gordon, M.A.
Survivor & Thriver & Giver & Receiver
call/email for a nudge for greater relational health

passionately guiding couples and families
Serving Hawai’i Island and beyond
in-person or on-line

2-6 day retreats available now
5 openings through July
808-936-3733

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Breaking the myth (of a perfect marriage)

As a couples counselor, I expect myself to have a perfect marriage. This puts undue pressure on us. It’s time to get right sized. I’m not anywhere close to being, thinking, acting, feeling, or doing a perfect job. I look in the mirror and I see wrinkles and flab. I walked down the street five minutes later, and I feel fit and sexy. 

I show up lovingly and assertively when my husband is in the hospital (with his fourth kidney stone). I am elated. Feeling spiritually fit. Then I proceeded to tell him all the ways I’m fit and that instead of dwelling in anger toward him, I’m choosing to take the higher road. Perhaps next time I want to just take the higher road without articulation. He would prefer that also. And in fact, he told me as such. I get to listen. He does tell me what he wants and needs. I can be clear in my reply. I cannot always do it, but I can acknowledge the validity of his requests.

Begin, Again, Here

This is where to begin. Mirror back what you hear your partner wants. If they don’t share, you can ask. What would you like me to do or say right now? Then offer it up, three times, to encourage it to soak in fully.

Later that day, I’m stroking my ego that I can puzzle quietly next to him while he naps on the couch, heavily medicated, and an hour later, I’m judging that he is not hydrating “enough” or screening all his pee to catch the 6 mm stone. It’s not my body. Not my business. How do I forget this? 

Interestingly, I’m considering being honest with my couples tomorrow. Telling them that marriage is hard. Do you want to chance to heal – to grow – to transform multigenerational trauma? Then wake up. Do this. Now. Advocate for your partner. Find out what they want/need and go there. I dare you. 

Start with Yourself

And here’s the kicker, before you can do that, you must advocate wildly for yourself. Therefore, trust yourself to no longer abandon yourself. Ask yourself, what do I hunger for, what do I need, what does my heart desire. And courageously share it with your beloved. We are not mind-readers.

You Matter.

Your Relationships Matter.

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how to surf

acts of fear

constant trust in the power of prayer

Having the great good fortune of living in Hawai’i, the ocean is a source of great comfort and support. And yet I’ve been in the ocean only twice since I last wrote you. That’s only two times in over a month; that’s highly unusual. And yet I’ve been surfing this whole time. 

Surfing for me is riding the wild waves of a lifey life. It’s knowing which ones will be challenging, yet fun, and which ones do I need to dive under and regain my breath as soon as possible. Lately there’s been some big waves. Personally, we’ve had 2 deaths in the family and prolonged sickness. 

But I rise. Each day. Like a wave. Like a sunrise. Sometimes with gentle grace and rainbows; sometimes with turbulence and obscuration. Always with the presence of the higher power. Don’t forget gravity!

And I surf the waves. Surfing is prayer. Prayer is chanting. Prayer is asking for guidance to be okay in this moment, no matter what, and remember that presence matters and awareness of breath strengthens presence. 

How do I surf when life keeps getting super lifey? I relax and take it easy. I cease fighting anyone or anything. And in turning my life over to a higher power, I find the ability to surf the emotional waves of life without drowning in overwhelm. Breathing and cultivating gratitude are my daily practices.

I’ve learned from Hawai’i lifeways and Mary Kawena Pukui that the Hawaiian has continued to pray in the same wholehearted spirit of his ancestors. With deep devotion. With lively fervor. With constant trust in the power of prayer to ease the burden and enhance the beauty of daily life. 

This inspires me. 

Chanting as a Spiritual Practice


My Buddhist practice includes a chant of aspiration and dedication of merit. 

From the stormy waves of birth, old age, sickness, and death, from the ocean of samsara, may I free all beings.

Buddhist chants, Hawaiian chants, Yoga chants; vital aspects of my spiritual life, an energetic exchange to my higher powers. To give breath as a sacrifice and an offer of my willingness and eagerness to live a more spiritual life. 

Last time I wrote you I included a beautiful Kundalini yoga chant, Akaal, I play daily that has helped hugely with the recent death of my in-laws. Akaal means “Undying” and refers to the soul that is being released. This sound current helps guide the soul to pass out of the earthly realm…

I pray with faith in the constant power of prayer to ease the burden and enhance the beauty of daily life. And from this place of energetic aliveness, I pour into others. My purpose is to be of maximum service and help others liberate from their own suffering, and one key way I do this is in my work with couples and their relational health. 

Special Offer for Relational Health Coaching

Now through the end of the month (November, 2023) I have a special deep dive relational tune-up for you. Message me at [email protected] and let me know what shift you wish to manifest in your primary relationship and I’ll do my level best to guide you there. Mention “deep dive” for the special rate of $333 for a 3-hour Discovery & Breakthrough session. (Regularly $1,000).

Take good care of yourselves and spread Aloha. 

Kindly,

Amy E

Amy Elizabeth Gordon | Relationship Doula
Serving Hawai’i Island and beyond
808-936-3733

You matter. Your relationships matter.

clear your mind  
open your heart  
rekindle your spirit  
energize your life