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sober creative nurturance

  1. it’s important to go fallow sometimes
    to be in the pause
    to rest and recalibrate to a new way of being

    recent months of becoming crone
    the elder in the household
    one of the wise ones riding menopausal waves
  2. do you know your ideal mothering traits?
    mine include patience, nudging to take risks, silence-breaking
    i’ve learned how to give myself these…

    as a child there were powerful creative women drowning in alcohol
    unable to set boundaries, to speak for what they needed
    to follow their heart’s desire

    running in the woods, swimming in the lake, dreaming with clouds
    these pockets of joy in an atmosphere of divorce, drinking and chronic doing
    cigarettes and cigars the playmates of my parents

    they provided what they could, coated in layers of fear
    i wanted to be able to make a mess, to be creative, to care less
    but i was told to be tidy, to clean up after others, to be safe

  3. i was afraid
    i was locked up inside
    dwelling in an overactive mind

    excelling at academics
    earning scholarships and praise all-the-while
    drinking alcoholically & seeding depression

    my maternal grandmother drank to death
    her liver failed her due to scarring and cirrhosis
    she died on mother’s day when i was 14

    i found recovery from my own disease 
    of drinking alcoholically
    nearly a decade later

    it runs in the family roots, my, mom, too
    danced dangerously with drink
    sober or not, i know not which, she died alone
  4. today i reflect
    on the gifts of being 
    a sober creative woman of integrity

    mothering two amazing children
    loving a hubby who just lost his parents
    bearing witness to the hardest year of his life

    menopause brings me closer to truth
    direct connect with the Divine
    Mother Earth guides me and is nudging me 

5. i’m writing more
i’m pausing more, painting more, paddling more
i’m offering more time in serving my clients


revive and reveal
our true nature

live an extraordinary life

no matter your past, trauma can thaw
love yourself as your own nurturing creative mother
and enjoy relational health with Self, Other, Spirit

sending you virtual hugs and creative blessings







Amy Elizabeth (a good enough mother)

Amy Elizabeth Gordon, M.A.
Survivor & Thriver & Giver & Receiver
call/email for a nudge for greater relational health

passionately guiding couples and families
Serving Hawai’i Island and beyond
in-person or on-line

2-6 day retreats available now
5 openings through July
808-936-3733

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Breaking the myth (of a perfect marriage)

As a couples counselor, I expect myself to have a perfect marriage. This puts undue pressure on us. It’s time to get right sized. I’m not anywhere close to being, thinking, acting, feeling, or doing a perfect job. I look in the mirror and I see wrinkles and flab. I walked down the street five minutes later, and I feel fit and sexy. 

I show up lovingly and assertively when my husband is in the hospital (with his fourth kidney stone). I am elated. Feeling spiritually fit. Then I proceeded to tell him all the ways I’m fit and that instead of dwelling in anger toward him, I’m choosing to take the higher road. Perhaps next time I want to just take the higher road without articulation. He would prefer that also. And in fact, he told me as such. I get to listen. He does tell me what he wants and needs. I can be clear in my reply. I cannot always do it, but I can acknowledge the validity of his requests.

Begin, Again, Here

This is where to begin. Mirror back what you hear your partner wants. If they don’t share, you can ask. What would you like me to do or say right now? Then offer it up, three times, to encourage it to soak in fully.

Later that day, I’m stroking my ego that I can puzzle quietly next to him while he naps on the couch, heavily medicated, and an hour later, I’m judging that he is not hydrating “enough” or screening all his pee to catch the 6 mm stone. It’s not my body. Not my business. How do I forget this? 

Interestingly, I’m considering being honest with my couples tomorrow. Telling them that marriage is hard. Do you want to chance to heal – to grow – to transform multigenerational trauma? Then wake up. Do this. Now. Advocate for your partner. Find out what they want/need and go there. I dare you. 

Start with Yourself

And here’s the kicker, before you can do that, you must advocate wildly for yourself. Therefore, trust yourself to no longer abandon yourself. Ask yourself, what do I hunger for, what do I need, what does my heart desire. And courageously share it with your beloved. We are not mind-readers.

You Matter.

Your Relationships Matter.

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how to enjoy relational health during transitions

transition

If you’re anything like me, change feels like a series of speed bumps on the journey of life. If I’m going too fast through transition in my life, it is jarring, uncomfortable and downright discombobulating.

There is an alternative to racing through life. Cultivate awareness of allowing space for grace. Honoring your inner guidance system. Hibernating. Radically resting. Preparing for change (it’s inevitable).

Here are the distinctions of extraordinary living that show us how to maintain relational health in transition. Seeing them in a simple list helps keep it simple. 

1. trust yourself to no longer abandon yourself

2. focus on your own hula hoop (mind your own business)

3. repair your part in relationship breakdowns

4. have faith you are enough

5. clear your mind of stinkin’ thinkin’

6. open your heart to receive the love

7. rekindle your spirit to get resourced

8. energize your life

9. recognize your interdependence

10. own your responsibility

11. embrace generosity

12. raise your relational consciousness

Seasonal shifts, moon phases, stages of life — all these transitions deserve time and space to flow smoothly. Listen. And cultivate gratitude for those moments to simply be still and honor silence. 

​You matter. Your relationships matter.​

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contemplate your true nature

doula

Where I’m from, my parent’s love for me was rooted in worry, anxiety and dread.

  • “I’m anxious to see you.” (Mom said each time I planned a trip home)
  • “Be careful.” (Mom uttered every time I left the house)
  • “You’re too sensitive.” (Dad chided me to be more tough — so I didn’t get hurt so much)

And yet was I was told, repeatedly, was that they loved me and they wanted me to be happy. Yet the energetic exchange was negatively charged. 

In my adulthood, through the journey of conscious partnership, connected parenting, and ongoing sobriety, I’ve learned a few replacements:

  • wonder replaces worry
  • delight replaces doubt
  • rejoice replaces regret

And thus I return to my true nature. The childlike wonder, delight and ability to rejoice is still in me. And you, too. Experience liberation from negativity. When we quit worrying we allow space for wonder to emerge. Worry is praying for things we don’t want. Free up that energy with a glance up at the cloud or the stars right now.

Pause. Breathe. Reset.

These extraordinary benefits of right living — experiencing daily delight, wonder and rejoicing in the sober mind and tender heart–become rather ordinary and mundane.

So instead of consuming (I just deleted more social media apps from my phone), I’m contemplating my true nature. If you’re anything like me, social media drums up old love exchanges: worry, doubt, regret. 

Clearing up clutter of distractions and releasing the pinch of judgement and tech anxiety brings relief. Clarity of mind and openness of heart are glimpses of everyday enlightenment. This, dear one, is a worthwhile journey. I’m delighted to be your guide from the side. 

My master’s degree is in Contemplative Psychology. To contemplate is to allow the divine in. Years of practice working with my own mind and tenderizing my own heart cultivates bodhicitta: enlightened mind and awakened heart (same thing).

And so it is, Aloha Friday.

Your matter. 

Your relationships matter. 

With tenderness,

Amy 

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Upcoming Relational Coaching

Elements of Everyday Enlightenment, a 12-week virtual gathering

Our time together gathering in Amy’s Zoom Room will be uplifting, engaging, and energizing.

Details at a Glance:

Who: me and you and up to a dozen others.

What: learning, sharing, breathing, writing, embodying practices to support relational health.

Where: Zoom Room (link provided after enrollment)

When: 12 weeks. Sept. 26 – Dec. 14, 2022. 

Time: Wednesdays, 18:30 UTC (9:30am Hawaii)

Length: 1 hour 15 minutes. 

Cost: love offering (suggested $1200)

Why: Connection is vital to our wellbeing. 

Mark your calendars:

  1. September 28, 2022
  2. October 5, 2022
  3. October 12, 2022
  4. October 19, 2022
  5. October 26, 2022
  6. November 2, 2022
  7. November 9, 2022
  8. November 16, 2022
  9. November 23, 2022
  10. November 30, 2022
  11. December 7, 2022
  12. December 14, 2022

Time of Day:

Wednesdays at 9:30 – 10:45am Hawaii Time. click here for time zone converter

Cost:

pay what you can love offering: suggested cost is $1200

this includes 3 private calls w/ Amy (if you desire)

Action:

Sign up by sending me an email to [email protected] with subject line: Gathering.

First 14 responses fill this group’s capacity. Feel free to invite your beloved or friend. They will need their own registration and their own Zoom square.

More juicy details

Gathering 1. Practice: Arriving Here. Distinction: trust. Element: sunrise

Gathering 2. Practice: Nurturing Sovereignty. Distinction: focus. Element: ocean

Gathering 3. Practice: Learning to Listen & Finding Forgiveness. Distinction: repair. Element: clouds

Gathering 4. Practice: Metabolizing Grief. Distinction: faith. Element: earth

Gathering 5. Practice: Eliminating Excess. Distinction: clarity. Element: air

Gathering 6. Practice: Releasing Resentments Distinction: openness. Element: fire

Gathering 7. Practice: Titrating Anxiety. Distinction: Reactivation. Element: water

Gathering 8. Practice: Pacing Oneself & Surviving Stillness. Distinction: energy. Element: moon

Gathering 9. Practice: Cultivating Serenity & Silence. Distinction: interdependence. Element: stars

Gathering 10. Practice: Embodying Enough. Distinction: Responsibility. Element: sunset

Gathering 11. Practice: Generating Gratitude. Distinction: generosity. Element: trees

Gathering 12. Practice: Celebrating Completion. Distinction: consciousness. Element: planet

These gatherings are live. Please commit to at least 10 of the 12 sessions. No recordings.

Who is Amy?

Facilitated by Amy Elizabeth Gordon, M.A., Licensed Imago Therapist & Relational Health Coach

Amy Elizabeth Gordon, founder of gig called life coaching, llc, is a published author, relationship doula and compassion activist. Through power in partnership, she thrives and lives an extraordinary life. 

Cutting through the chaotic and distracted energies of dominant culture, opening minds riddled with lack, and rekindling souls hungry for connection, Amy is a dedicated sober woman of integrity who sees her roles as wife, mother, daughter, coach, yogini, paddler, hula dancer, and fellow human being as an ever-expanding opportunity to heal the planet.

A lifelong student, Amy has spent several decades advocating for big compassion, healthy relationships, and holistic wellbeing. Her professional training includes a Master of Arts in Contemplative Psychology from Naropa University, Nationally Certified Addictions Counselor, Certified Imago International Relationship Therapist, and Certified Parent Coach.

Additionally, Amy is a founding member of Hālau ʻŌhiʻa, a Stewardship Training program bridging indigenous lifeways and modern technology in a fruitful foundation for the future. 

As a relationship doula and relational health coach, she weaves the arc of connection of addiction recovery, relational healing and contemplative practice to cultivate maximum health with Self, Other and Spirit. She invites us to reimagine our relationships and dwell in our tender and powerful hearts in a way that is indeed miraculous.

Contact info: 808-936-3733

Your matter. 

Your relationships matter. 

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Aloha Friday: Sovereignty of Self

power

Aloha Dear One, 

Lest we fall further into the Realm of Despair, let’s come back to our senses with this powerful exercise. Let’s take a moment to connect with something bigger than us. Sure, worry, fear, and outrage are bigger than us. But what else is? For inspiration, click the whale image below to visit another realm entirely.  

When things feel a bit swirly and outta control, come back to your senses. Turn off the news or the worries in your mind and instead, listen to a special moment in your life (perhaps from all those videos waiting in your phone for your attention). That’s what I did today and so I share this precious whale memory from earlier this year. 

My body, my choice.

In the winter, I jumped in the mighty Pacific and allowed the songs of Humpbacks and the ocean to hold me. I reunite with this power greater than myself in this moment of euphoric recall. From this place, I’m rejuvenated to face the reality of current events, events of a personal, national, and/or global nature. 

On this Aloha Friday, let’s pause, breathe, and reset and take a moment to reflect on what went well (in our personal lives) this week. 

Let’s create BREATHING ROOM in our lives for personal joy to multiply and personal sorrow to divide. 

  • JOY: My decisions around what goes into my body are mostly healthy and I have the great good fortune of being sober, sane, and serene. 
  • SORROW: My body keeps the score of old traumas and transgressions and my hips ache and my skin itches as I continue to process and release the old stuff – the old haunts (mine and my ancestors). 

Here’s a nudge: Help spread the light of high-vibe living, rather than contract in fear or rage and fuel the spew of negativity. This is not pollyanna thinking or spiritual-bypassing. This is about staying sober, sane and serene no matter what and coming back to your senses and trusting your Sovereignty is your true power.

This self-sovereignty is the power we share with each other in a regenerative world. We don’t need guns to feel safe or governments to protect us, we need to WAKE UP and take back our power. Does the media have the power to determine if we are heartbroken? I think not. 

Ground in the gratitude of your own Sovereignty. From this place of empowerment, you can more readily promote healthier choices, loving relations, and help multiply joys.

  • Own your privilege
  • Own your heartache
  • Own your choices
  • Own your sovereignty.  

Your matter. 

Your relationships matter. 

Warmly,

Amy 

power
https://vimeo.com/723913596

click the link above to listen to male humpback whale song from 2/22