People ask for an update on how I’m doing/being during these pandemic times and I wonder how to reply. You know me, real, raw, vulnerable. Here’s what I know for certain, as I’m sitting here, I’m feeling grateful beyond measure. I acknowledge my privilege to pause and reflect, and for this, I am grateful.
The briefest answer of “how are you?” is in the form of this haiku:
life gets lifey again
waves of energy exchange
lift me high once more
The longer version of my personal update is this:
Grateful for health in 2020 & 2021 and for today’s massage and last month’s acupuncture and chiropractic work to restore me to alignment. I’ve felt a collective exhaustion and neurologic re-triggering of old trauma, mine and ours. Healing on profound levels happening little by slow. And sometimes it happens in an instant. It’s both/and.
Grateful for the ability to slow down and take a break from paddling and learning new skills as a steers-person. The intensity of this during pandemic-mask-wearing-winter with my own hormones surging has been quite intense. But the whales and dolphins lifted my spirits. I’m learning to voice what I need and want without throwing a fit, though I have erupted a few times lately. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. (yes, you, too). I detect there is some spiritual progress and definitely I’m nowhere near spiritual perfection.
Grateful for all that is and an even deeper knowing that the Creative Spirit of the Universe is everywhere; in you, in me, in my guts and in the rocks and roots around me. Inhale, Exhale, Spirit.
Grateful for the unflappable calm within me as a result of the above relational health. I’ve lost friends and feel estranged from some family, but I’m not beating up on myself for it. I’m humbled by the challenges of being human and how, no matter what we intend or do, we still end up hurting others. Today, I have greater reservoirs of compassion for self which offers skillful means with others. And, you know what? Sometimes the most skillful means I can muster is to back off, go within, take time and allow space for grace to enter my heart and mind and work in a way that is indeed miraculous.
Grateful my mothers’ pelvis is healing after she fell and broke it a few weeks ago. She lived alone in Florida during the pandemic and is an incredibly resilient and resourced woman who inspires me greatly. My husband still works his state job out of the laundry room and the boys were lucky to be in-person at Parker School. My in-laws are struggling getting older, but teach me kindness and loyalty daily. We miss hugs with others.
Right livelihood continues to elude me and we filed bankruptcy in 2019 and had some debt discharged in 2020. We still owe 100k in student loans and remain in committed action to unplug from a system of debt, overwork, “owning” land, and numbing out to the addictive currents running rampant in dominant culture. Sharing resources, valuing health, and honoring connections, we march into gladness, tenderness, wholeness and return to love, again and again.
I consciously choose mental wellness, radical self-care, continuous sobriety, and a desire to serve others. This means I’m unwilling and no longer able to play the game of the system. I don’t want to medicate in order to cope with the hustle and bustle of capitalism, toxicity of white supremacy, and chronic exhaustion so rampant in dominant culture. By medicate I mean take psychotropics or pain meds or self-medicate with booze or pot.
I’m committed to invoking wholesome states as much as possible, and learning to release judgement of other’s decisions around this. Forgiving everyone everything, including myself, I release shame, blame and criticism as coping strategies and instead invoke resilience, compassion and service.
Let us dwell here, in these realms of a tender heart.
Finally. Powerfully. Thankfully.
Thanks for asking how I am. Now I’d like to know how you are.
How you be, Dear One?
Let me know if you feel motivated to join me in my new core connections coaching program. Learn more about these powerful Realms of Resilience, Compassion & Service so that you can finally unhook from exhaustion and live an extraordinary life of gratitude and relational health with Self, Other & Spirit. click here to contact me and get on a waitlist
Holding you tenderly. You matter. Your relationships matter.