Everett, my 15 year-old, made delicious pumpkin bread from scratch this weekend. Two pans of yumminess. Monday I overindulged and I felt bloated and logy, dull and heavy; sluggish. Not vital as I prefer.
How we relate to food, exercise, sleep, alcohol and drugs is all within the scope of relational health. My aim to be optimally healthy. Daily, I recommit. I begin again, but not from scratch.
Relational health requires daily upkeep.
Top 5 healthy behaviors
Did you know that only 6% of Americans consistently engage in the top 5 healthy behaviors? These behaviors are no smoking, moderate to no drinking, regular activity/exercise, healthy body weight and adequate sleep.
If you’re feeling healthy, I’m guessing you are following these healthy behaviors consistently.
I’m in the 6% and I’m grateful beyond measure. My heart is healthy and this is foundational for relational health.
My boys are in this category as well, as well as within a smaller percentage (of privilege, gotta name it for what it is) who have 4 adults living in the household with them who love them unconditionally and who all hold degrees in higher education (two have masters and 2 hold doctorates). There is no active abuse or alcoholism, no TV blaring, no pantry full of processed foods, and no toxic chemical overload. What exists in our home:
recovery from alcoholism (me) and moderate consumption by others (Marc and his parents).
mindful consumption of media (no devices at table during meal-times) and designated media-free days.
healthy, fresh food from the farmers market in the fridge (and some organic chips, crackers and dark chocolate in the pantry).
vinegar mixed with essential oils and water to clean surfaces (no harsh cleansers).
ants and bugs because we don’t use an exterminator (and we clean dishes after each meal and have Sunday chore day to do deeper clean).
Here’s the thing. I didn’t necessarily grow up in this environment; I created it. Declared my Moonshot (that something extraordinary that wouldn’t otherwise happen) for optimal relational health, including a loving, healthy, uplifted home environment.
My father died of heart dis-ease. Long before the age of 69 (which is when he actually left this physical plane), he left many unmet desires and dreams behind him. Consumed by stress and starved for passion.
Relationship of stress & passion
Stress is when we live in life that we are not in alignment with, we wrestle with on a daily basis, and we feel powerless over it all and give up in defeat. (and perhaps turn to sweets)
Passion is when we are inspired by our own dreams and desires and find our purpose on this planet. (and perhaps turn to sweets to celebrate)
The story I tell myself is that he drowned in his own suffering, the ache of loneliness too much for him to handle, the dampened desires insufficient to fuel his life. I noticed he ate sweets to find sweetness (though he was diabetic) and took heart medicines to cope with heart dis-ease (though he suffered heart-ache in many of his relationships).
Granted, Monday I ate 3 times the amount of homemade pumpkin bread than I “needed.” I still have my slips. I still feel the urge to indulge in sugar cravings. I’m human.
I don’t do it daily. I don’t feel good afterward. And I don’t beat myself up for it. I have the awareness, I have the acceptance, and I take action to do it less frequently.
Heal heart hurt
My passion is to heal heart hurt by cultivating holistic heart health and weaving the lei of aloha around the world. Finding the bigger love, the higher power, the deeper presence that holds me tenderly and sustains me to keep on keeping on when life gets lifey and I have moments of stress. I recommit to my passionate purpose, through resilience, compassion and service.
For the record, my father was also a poet, a lover of birds and sunrise, and the provider for my early childhood. I’m grateful beyond measure for his presence in my life, and I’d be lying to you if I told you his diseased life didn’t hurt my heart. And I’m resilient, I’m compassionate, and I desire to be of service.
And my heart is happy, strong, and bigger than the ocean.
Here is a top-ten list complied by our family, Toby, Everett, Amy & Marc (TEAM) on 7/30/19. These are some of the golden threads that sustain our loving connection. Take what you can use and leave the rest behind.
1: Trust- Reliability, Safety, Respect, Freedom.
2: Communication- Being willing to
express needs and wants, “Thank you for asking for what you want/need.”
3: Honesty- open to each other, don’t
try to hide feelings, be respectful of each other’s ideas.
4: Meals- mealtime, weekend morning,
no rush, kitchen becomes a place of gathering.
5: Nature- spend time outdoors, go on
walks, take care of the earth.
6: Media-Free- device free at meals,
and no screens on Sundays.
7: Spontaneous Getaways- spend time
away from home, go on excursions together, and house-sit for friends.
8: Chore Day- one day a week we tackle
household chores- kitchen deep clean, bathrooms, vacuum and mop, gardening.
Daily chores (dishwasher, trash, recycling, compost, bed making, personal
hygiene) assigned from an early age.
9: Car-free Days- a chance to relax
and simply be.
10: Family meetings and meditation on
a weekly basis.
BUY MY NEW TRANSFORMATIONAL MEMOIR RELEASED 6/18/19 NOW:
Amy’s transformational memoir explores the journey from despair to repair and serves an invitation to us all to understand the distinctions of an extraordinary life through the lens of resilience, compassion, and service.
Picture
the meat tenderizer mallet in my mom’s hands. Hear the thud of the mallet on
the steaks on the counter. Again. The swinging and pounding of the mallet
repeats, tenderizing the meat. The mallet penetrates deeply. It looks
dangerous, but its purpose is to tenderize, to penetrate deeply, to make the
tough meat palatable. As so it is with memoir. Thoroughly overcooked, my story
sits, dried and tough. My past is marbled with drama and trauma; unappetizing
yet intricately laced in the meat of the story.
Believe me, I tried to digest it all; I chewed and chewed, yet the
blob stayed in my mouth, gag-reflex triggered. The undigested, flavorless meat,
grey and unappetizing, bothersome at best.
I spit it into a paper napkin and throw it away; yet there is no away.
Not with our life stories. They can clog our arteries and hurt us, or they give
us the choice to tenderize our hearts and fertilize the space between.
“Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine,”
Mary
Oliver reminds us.
Summers in Florida are hot. Period.
It all started as a moonshot.
It all started as a moonshot.
July of 1969, no exception. The forecast called for humidity, but
no thunderstorms, a crucial piece of data for determining the moonshot. JFK’s
imperative that man gets to the moon by the end of the decade generated
internal heat for beings around the world. This heat, for many, had the flavor
of mind-blowing, exhilarating optimism, and infinite potentialities. For
others, the heat took on a more negative charge; resentment that funds went
upward toward visionary aims instead of dealing with domestic issues down on
Earth like poverty and crime, down here in America.
Thankfully, my parents, gathered with family and friends on the
coast of Florida, celebrated the moonshot. They were in the exhilarated camp.
This was indeed extraordinary.
Dad got the coals ready on the Coleman BBQ while mom pounded the
meat tenderizer on the steaks. Steaks meant celebration. The neighbor, Susan,
shucked the ears of fresh picked Zellwood corn. Always around, always helpful,
Susan prepared the sides and desserts. More butter needed, always more butter
needed, Susan and butter were hand in hand. My mom prepared the main dish.
Everyone brought the booze.
My parents had, at this time, four children, ages 10 and under,
who ran down the beach, lighting fireworks and getting high off the energetic
buzz of excitement that historic night of the first lunar landing. The moon,
symbolic of the unconscious, loomed high in the sky, no longer a hope and a
wish.
We were, collectively, bridging the conscious with the
unconscious. This took place at a pivotal time. The moonshot, the Apollo
mission, was “the result of thorough research carried out by a successful team,
whose strength rises from a common thought made up of simple ideas, growing and
coming together in one dream, yours and ours.” I came across this description
on an ordinary clothing tag recently, but it sums up most worthwhile endeavors
in life.
It takes more than me. Simple ideas, common thought.
It takes more than me. Simple ideas, common thought.
The late 60s in American history, full of swirling energies of
change and possibilities, the fertile ground for greater consciousness, was the
birthplace of the moonshot, both for Neil
Armstrong
and for my conception. Suspended in a moment pregnant with possibilities, my
parents consummated this joy. The backdrop of the American culture, so
promising and inspiring, had a moment to shine. Those in power advocated
overcoming scarcity, fear, and negativity, and finding common ground. This
climate of greater consciousness, of human advancement, bathed my parents as
they made love.
The backdrop of my conception is creative non-fiction. I don’t
know if they ate steaks the night man landed on the moon, but it certainly goes
with the meat tenderizer concept. And you know what? It doesn’t matter. It
works. It works because tenderizing my heart makes for a more palatable
offering.
Where I’d like to be is offering you a tender, juicy, tasty offering of a life worth
living, in order to inspire you to see, in case you haven’t already, that your
life is worth living, extraordinarily so. I do not have to keep chewing the
bland steak, the old overcooked story.
Where I’m from, I tethered myself back to the reality and power of love.
As I’m sitting here, a tender, powerful, generous woman, my history, my story, sits
before me. My heart opens wider to a heart-centric life. I consciously choose
to tenderize my heart on a daily basis, to cover it with love, and let that
love spill out and make a mess. Tears come with tenderizing, and usually a good
bit of snot, and sometimes an imploding headache. I take a deep breath and
remember the wisdom of my body. The body speaks my mind, releases the pinch of
constriction, lets the blood flow freely to the sore spots, feels it to heal
it, and releases any issues stored in my tissues. I thank my body by taking
another deep breath.
What matters most is embracing the magic of choosing love over drama, or as we say
in Hawai’i, choosing aloha
over pilikia, trouble of any kind. In
the past, the troubles dominated my mental real estate, taking up the scenic
landscape with high-rise pillars of doom. I lost sight of the clouds, the
birds, the beautiful sunrise that happens every day without fail. In the past,
what it was like was I was adrift, spinning out of control at times while
exerting control in a grasping, constricting way. I trusted everything and then
nothing. Trust bled to mistrust and I landed in a psychological hell realm.
One thing I can do is recognize I am 100% responsible for my life’s story, and as
such, be source for a transformed world. I can integrate what happened in my
life and see how my experience does not define me.
One thing I appreciate is
that I’m on this incredible journey, this opportunity to live an extraordinary
life of love, connection and commitment. I can get out of those scary places in
my mind more quickly and with more grace than ever before. And truthfully, I
don’t enter them as often as I used to.
This is what it was like. Losing trust in myself, unable to focus on what mattered most, creating wreckage and losing faith in the carefree feeling of youth. My adolescence fostered resilience in me. Resilience of staying alive, strengthening my soul and returning to love, despite trying experiences that tested my trust.
from Moonshot: What was it like living in a culture devoid of rites of passage other than binge and puke and spread your legs? Naturally, my heart hurt, my soul ached, and my spirit floated lost. From this place of intensity, I developed incredible resilience. This is what happened: settling into sobriety, grounding into gratitude, and cultivating a compassionate heart, my mind cleared, my heart opened, my spirit reactivated, and my energy expanded. This is what it’s like now: breathing aloha into every moment, recognizing our interdependence, and claiming responsibility as a source for transformation, naturally, my grateful heart has more blessings than I can say grace over.
back cover
MOONSHOT ENDORSEMENTS
“Equal parts lyrical, confessional, and practical, Amy Elizabeth vulnerably uses her own journey through addiction and trauma to inspire readers to move beyond limiting beliefs and heal from the past” (Alicia Munoz, author of No More Fighting: 20 Minutes a Week to a Stronger Relationship)
“Moonshot is an elegant and visceral memoir that dares one to question one’s own resilience and courage. Indeed, Amy Elizabeth is as transparent as she appears in these pages. Love the interactive curriculum and its usefulness” (Kekuhi Keali’ikanaka’oleohaililani, trainer, Halau ‘Ohi’a).
“This work is the bridge between despair and repair. It is an invitation for women to tenderize our own hearts and to craft a new heart-centric story, the true story of who we are at our core” (Kristen Noel, editor-in-chief, Best Self Magazine).
“Nature did not design us to be alone. Evidence shows that people who enjoy close, fulfilling relationships with others are happier, healthier, and more creative. If this does not prompt you to the wonderful Moonshot, please reconsider. Highly recommended!” (Larry Dossey, MD, author of One Mind: How Our Individual Mind Is Part of a Greater Consciousness and Why It Matters).
“What an enchanting, captivating, beautiful, practical book! Based in personal experience and penetrating prose, Moonshot is meant for anyone who needs more love, empathy, and compassion in their life-and who doesn’t? Let Amy be your guide to a richer, deeper commitment-not just to others but to the world” (Barbara Montgomery Dossey, RN, PhD, FAAN, author of Florence Nightingale: Mystic, Visionary, Healer and Holistic Nursing: A Handbook for Practice).
The Don’ts & Dos of Evolution by Bruce Lipton Because You Are an Energy Field…
1. Don’t try to change other people.
If you go in to change negative energy with your positive energy, it’s called destructive interference. You lose your energy, they lose their energy, and nobody gains anything in the process.
Do: Focus on yourself and finding like-minded people to create a community in which all your energies are enhanced.
2. Don’t try to change the system.
If you charge in with your wonderful energy to try to change it, your energy will be canceled. You’ll come out with your tail between your legs, asking, What the hell was that all about?
Do: Put your energy into constructing a new system. If you build a better system, people in the old one will gravitate to the new one.
3. Don’t spend your life protesting.
Your life is energy. Too much protesting will cost you your life, because the system is not going to feed the energy you need for your protests.
Do: Find out who’s protesting with you. Gather them together and step out of the system. Use your energy for construction rather than destruction, and find other compatible communities. That’s constructive interference, when energies come together and multiply each other.
4. Don’t become frightened or angry or burned out.
These responses create walls that block your evolution and everyone else’s.
Do: Create the best and healthiest and happiest experience for yourself—and share it with the community.
[Bruce H. Lipton PhD, cell biologist and lecturer, is an internationally recognized leader in bridging science and spirit. He was on the faculty of the University of Wisconsin’s School of Medicine and later performed groundbreaking stem cell research at Stanford Medical School. His pioneering research on cloned human stem cells presaged today’s revolutionary new field of Epigenetics. He received the prestigious Goi Peace Award (Japan) in 2009 in honor of his scientific contribution to world harmony. He is the best-selling author of The Biology of Belief and The Honeymoon Effect, and is the coauthor with Steve Bhaerman of Spontaneous Evolution. www.brucelipton.com]
This ancient blessing deals with forgiveness, affection, detachment and liberation and was created in the Nahuatl language, spoken in Mexico.
“I release my parents from the feeling that they have already failed me.
I release my children from the need to bring pride to me; that they may write their own ways according to their hearts, that whisper all the time in their ears.
I release my partner from the obligation to complete myself. I do not lack anything. I learn with all beings all the time.
I thank my grandparents and forefathers who have gathered so that I can breathe life today.
I release them from past failures and unfulfilled desires, aware that they have done their best to resolve their situations within the consciousness they had at that moment.
I honor you, I love you and I recognize you as innocent.
I am transparent before your eyes, so they know that I do not hide or owe anything other than being true to myself and to my very existence, that walking with the wisdom from the heart, I am aware that I fulfill my life project, free from invisible and visible family loyalties that might disturb my Peace and Happiness, which are my only responsibilities.
I renounce the role of savior, of being one who unites or fulfills the expectations of others.
Learning through, and only through, LOVE, I bless my essence, my way of expressing, even though somebody may not understand me.
I understand myself, because I alone have lived and experienced my history; because I know myself, I know who I am, what I feel, what I do and why I do it.
I respect and approve myself.
I honor the Divinity in me and in you.
We are free.”
(This ancient blessing was created in the Nahuatl language, spoken in Mexico. It deals with forgiveness, affection, detachment and liberation).
I send this on Saint Patrick’s Day, to honor the Irish legacy in my life. I release my grandmother from the grips of alcoholism. I am sober in her honor and to leave a legacy of love as a sober woman of integrity.
