Do you have “emotional safety zones” in your life?
Emotional safety zones are relationships where you can express difficult emotions without fear of rejection. You may have experienced this with close family members, tight-knit friends, or even communities like churches, sangha, or group therapy.
But perhaps the most important person you can share a safety zone with is your spouse or romantic partner. After all, they are the one person you must come home to at the end of the day — both physically and emotionally. Unfortunately, it is all too easy to interact in ways that make you and your partner feel anything but safe with each other.
Life feels pretty lifey right now so I focus on refueling my resilience reservoir. I’m seeing challenges as opportunities by refreshing trust, focus, repair skills and faith. My husband is leaving Tuesday to take Everett to the NE United States to look at colleges. And we just had a 2nd opinion with a surgeon about Everett’s liver tumor, the jury is still out on all of this.
How about you? If you’re anything like me, you could list a bunch of things that could potentially drain you. Yet, like me, you are more invested in responding to life’s challenges as an opportunity for greater tenderness and strength.
If you are looking to re-imagine greater resilience in all your relationships, join me next Tuesday, October 5th. Teaching refills my reservoir, so please attend live if you can. I’m teaching a 45-minute webinar on Re-imagining Resilience with the HeartWise Relationship Webinars: Tools for Thriving Together.
Below is a gift: a free link for you to check out my course and enjoy free access to the other 5 recorded courses.
From my tender heart to yours and with big love & tenderness,
Amy
p.s. A couple weeks ago, I attended Laurie Weiss’s webinar “What To Do When You Can’t Change Your Partner” and found it quite informative and profoundly simple. She offered a great way to reclaim your energy from triggering events.
Here’s the link again to sign up for all the live webinars and recordings (including Laurie’s):
There is so much suffering in the world. Sometimes it seems like there is more than in the past, but today is yesterday. Perhaps the difference is we are more aware of the amount of suffering squeezed into any given slice of time.
It is possible to step out of suffer.
Today’s message is intended to get you resourced with a veritable plethora of healing opportunities. Choose one and dig deep, or choose many and aim high.
Please pay special attention to the final offering, a special offering to work 1:1 with me through the end of the year (I have 2 spots left).
healing collective trauma
engaging with Aloha
seeking truth & beauty
opening new doors of perception
building foundations of loving presence
Healing Trauma
Collective Trauma Summit starts Sunday, September 19th. Experts freely share poetry, talks, research, music and more. The Collective Trauma Online Summit takes place in partnership with the Pocket Project, a nonprofit organization and global initiative that aims to restore the fragmentation in our communities and societies by addressing and supporting the integration of collective and intergenerational trauma.
Relationship Tools
HeartWise Academy offers weekly affordable webinars to enhance the quality of your primary relationship. My offering will be October 5th. Details as follows:
Are you finding yourself stuck in dissatisfying personal and relationship patterns? Join the HeartWise Community to gain fresh perspectives and learn helpful skills and tools.
HeartWise Relationship Webinars: Tools for Thriving Together: Season 2
Participate live or watch the recording at your leisure.
This series will be held on Tuesdays from 7 to 8 p.m. Mountain Time, and recorded via Zoom.
$22/couple per session or $100 for all 6 sessions
Anniversary Podcast
Give Your Life Some Love podcast from the founders of the HeartWise Academy featuring me and my husband, Marc, on our 17th anniversary (in 2019). We share simple ways they connect, strengthen and align, as a couple, with our children and extended family, in a transformative manner of deep respect and Aloha.
Learning Aloha
Hālau ʻŌhiʻa, Hawaiʻi lifeways stewardship studies is opening a new cohort, starting October 10, 2021.
Distinctions of Extraordinary Living Masterclass on Energy from August with Kekuhi Kealiikanakaole (the founder of above program, Hālau ʻŌhiʻa)
My live Calendly link to sign up for a free heart-storming session to discuss any of the above options or to explore working 1:1 with me at a special discounted rate through the end of the year.
I’m really looking forward to connecting with you in this intimate gathering. Please invite your friend by forwarding this email. You will get a link for the Zoom Room after registering.
Contact me with questions or concerns. 808-936-3733
As humans, we mess up, just look around. There’s a lot to feel guilty for. The tendency I grew up with was to feel guilty and then blame myself for whatever mess met me at the front door of my heart.
Intensity of Life
Basically I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. I tried to soothe myself by getting chip-faced with a pint of Ben -n- Jerry’s ice cream. None of this got me where I wanted to me: a positive point of power and light on this planet.
Listen to the difference:
If you’re anything like me, you let that blame, stemming from the guilt of doing something wrong, fester into toxic shame. Then comes the shameful story of being something wrong.
doing something wrong/bad (that’s guilt)
being something wrong/bad (that’s shame)
Guilt is a Guide
Guilt is a guide when I pause to honor the wisdom within the warm wash of ick. It is vital information that I’m obviously not on the right path. I get to pivot and recalibrate.
Pause. Breathe. Reset.
I pause, breathe, reset. I ask myself these self-inquiry questions, with compassionate curiosity:
Reality check: What really happened here?
What have I done wrong?
Could I do something differently?
What needs my attention?
Can I repair here?
The next time your feel that warm wash of guilt, I invite you to Pause. Breathe. Reset. Contemplate the questions.
Let me know how this lands for you.
Big love & tenderness,
Amy
Amy Elizabeth Gordon, MA|Relationship Doula
My favorite quote lately:
“Combatting hatred” is combatting a symptom.
~Charles Eisenstein
p.s. Mark your calendar for Friday, August 20th at noon Pacific time for the Masterclass on ENERGY, with my special guest, Kekuhi.
My intentions are pure, or so I think. But you know what the road to hell is paved with, right?
We may have the best ideas and hold the right intentions, but what is the conduct? What are the results?
While the world judges us by our actions; we judge ourselves by our intentions.
For example, when I take an honest look at some past behaviors,
My intention wasn’t to make love to a married man, it was to feel pleasure and release. But my action? Sleeping with a married man.
My intention wasn’t to steal money from my job, it was to treat my friends to a good time at Disney and enjoy the expansive wave of generosity. But my action? Stealing from my employer.
My intention wasn’t to drive our family into bankruptcy, it was to expand my knowledge of myself and others. But my actions meant I continued to spend beyond my earnings, enrolling in more coaching and leadership programs and traveling from the middle of the Pacific Ocean weighted by major credit card balances.
It is important to note that I’ve made amends for my transgressions. And I’ve forgiven myself and refused to blame others. And I received support on this journey of transformation.
My intention is to be a good and trustworthy person, my mind craves peace, and my heart’s desire is to experience joy. Yet when actions don’t align with intentions, it is impossible to trust self or others.
There is no peace or joy when I put my head to the pillow full of guilt, regret, or shame.
Luckily, there is an alternative to this type of (self-generated) suffering.
The time is now to re-imagine our relationships with Self, Other, Spirit. Today, I act in greater alignment with my intentions. Yet I’m far from perfect. But here are 3 simple steps that help me immensely.
Pause.
Breathe.
Reset.
Pause. Breathe. Reset.
Pause and consider your intentions today.
Breathe sweetly and exhale completely.
Reset the story you tell yourself to align your actions and your intentions and live with greater integrity.
Let me know how this is for you and what support looks like.
