Aloha Everyday: How to agree to disagree


Agree to disagree and you choose happiness over righteousness.

Every moment I expect my husband to think or feel or act in a way other than how he is presently thinking, feeling or acting, I’m basically generating my own suffering.

Whenever I want my mother-in-law to quit talking to me about her ideas for a death with dignity departure from this earthly plane, I’m basically shutting my heart down.

Each time I beat up on myself for not handling my life with the greatest ease, flow, and grace, I’m basically creating conditions for greater dis-ease, constriction, and disgust.

Relational health requires intentional communication.

I trust my husband is doing the best he can in this moment. He is operating from his own value system. We all are. I can agree to disagree with what he is doing and I can choose how to respond.

Therein lies tremendous freedom and peace.

I can be quiet. Silence is golden at times.

I can say, “You might be right.” Happiness trumps righteousness.

I can advocate for his greater well-being by validating his experience. (This is higher level relational mastery. Set up a call with me to discuss.)

Essentials needed for getting along with others: acceptance, tenderness, forgiveness

How far should you compromise? Trust yourself to no longer abandon your values. How much connection and solitude do you really need? Trust your gut. Get quiet for a moment. Breathe. Each day may be different. Trust that when you no longer disappoint yourself, you are honoring the most important relationship you will ever have.

Should you never argue? If you are human, and you live on this planet, and you have a beating heart, you will find moments of contraction, difficulty, and the possibility of an argument. That’s okay. It’s how you respond that matters most. Release the heat. Fan the flame of acceptance. Return to calm. Allow your heart to be tender. Practice forgiveness.

And when’s the best time to have heart to heart intentional dialogue? As soon as possible. Face to face, heart to heart, tender eye gaze to tender eye gaze if possible. Should you desire to learn how to have this intentional dialogue, click here to set up a free call with me to see if coaching is a viable option for you.

We can learn to agree that we each have different values. How do we hang on to those values? We must trust ourselves to no longer abandon ourselves. We must trust. Period.

Join us monthly in a free virtual gathering to focus on What Matters Most.

Here’s the Zoom Link for the Second Saturday Show of What Matters Most

What Matters Most

Ready for a commitment to living an extraordinary life and align with What Matters Most? 

Let’s invite grace, ease, flow & fun along with inspired committed action. 

You get to choose what relationship you wish to focus on, for example

  • Relationships with Self: food, social media, alcohol, sleep
  • Relationships with Others: Lover, best friend, boss, child 
  • Relationships with Source: Spirit/Surrounding/Society 

What makes your heart contract? Go there and be a part of the solution. 

The promise: get out of chronic busyness and overwhelm and get into committed action, find inspiration and accountability and surrender into grace and ease. 

Consider these states of heart and ways of being:

  1. tender vs. tight
  2. juicy vs. dry
  3. pliable vs. stuck
  4. flexible vs. stubborn
  5. coherent vs. swinging extremes
  6. loving vs. fearing
  7. accepting vs. judging
  8. trusting vs. doubting
  9. open vs. closed
  10. joyful vs. fretful
  11. humming vs. hurting
  12. attuned vs. disconnected
  13. vibrant vs. dull
  14. alive vs. dead
  15. engaged vs. dis-engaged
  16. energized vs. lethargic
  17. generous vs. stingy
  18. interconnected vs. isolated
  19. being vs. striving
  20. knowing vs. numbing
  21. grateful vs. ungrateful
  22. receptive vs. closed

Which do you prefer? Ready to go all in for juicy, joyful, energized relationships that are real, raw and vulnerable? Willing to dig into the depths and rise about the drama. Together we rise in cultivating a grateful heart, dropping the stones of resentment, and living an extraordinary life of heart wisdom and regenerative societies.

The investment is $997 pay in full or $396/month for 3 months for the entire 12-week program called What Matters Most. fill out this survey here to assess your readiness.

What else is possible? For those of you desirous of individual coaching,

two options: SOS Discovery & Breakthrough Deep Dive: $997

or $2997 pay in full (or $997/month) 3-month minimum agreement.

Please feel free to contact me to set up a consult to see if it’s a good fit.

You Matter. Your Relationships Matter.

Caveat: relational health coaching is not a substitute for mental health therapy. I do not diagnosis, prescribe, or bill insurance. If you are having trouble with basic survival, this is not for you. This is self-actualizing work for people who have basic needs met, safety intact, and desire thriving, not merely surviving.

Each month of What Matters Most features:

  • Panel discussion of each realm: resiliency, compassion, service
  • Course content covering the 12 distinctions of an extraordinary life
  • Full moon celebrations and New Moon declarations
  • Meditation & breath-work practice
  • Accountability support group
  • Hot-seating coaching opportunities

Just imagine a life of energy, integration, integrity and a golden opportunity to be of maximum service to an uplifted, transformed world.

We will explore the relevancy of each of the 12 distinctions of an extraordinary life from Moonshot:

  1. trust
  2. focus
  3. repair
  4. faith
  5. clarity
  6. openness
  7. reactivation
  8. energy
  9. interdependence
  10. responsibility
  11. generosity
  12. consciousness
know your why
ready to unfurl

Powerful Incentive Bonus:

sign-up before December 20, 2020 and receive these three additional bonuses:

  1. Intensive: an SOS Discovery and Breakthrough Deep Dive coaching session with Amy E (value $997)
  2. Couplehood Mindset: a new way to love. A virtual course with Amy Elizabeth & Marc covering the Modules of this powerful relationship mindset. (value $198)
  3. Access: over twenty hours of incredible interviews with powerful relationship experts in two online shows: Power in Partnership and A League of Extraordinary Couples. (value $333)

click to here to fill out a quick survey to see if this is for you

Still wondering if this is for you?

Top Ten list of reasons why you don’t want to miss this opportunity.

  1.  You’re no longer willing to numb out. Period. You want to be awake. You have that desire and you are now, at this moment, ready to wake-up and basically get over yourself.
  2.  You’re willing to abandon the “us and them” mentality. You operate from a higher consciousness and, as a social pioneer, you desire even higher levels of awareness.
  3.  You’ve had episodes of rage or have carried internalized shame of being a person of privilege. You are now willing to drop the stones of resentment from your heart. You see anger as a teacher and are ready to listen and step into your power. You won’t give up and you won’t back down. You truly understand that hate begets hate.
  4.  You’ve severed contact with your inner guidance system, felt blamed and shamed, and then criticized others and compromised your morals. You are primed for realignment with your inner guides.
  5.  You’re willing to be right-sized while simultaneously blowing the lid off mediocrity.
  6.  You’re willing to own your super-sensitive superpowers. You feel things deeply in your bones and your intuition responds fully to life. You are ready to hone this as a strength versus your Achilles’ heel.
  7.  You’re willing to see there’s nothing to fix out there. There is no out there, out there. Change in here to ignite out there.
  8.  You recognize that we are in the midst of a cultural revolution and the power of the human heart can guide us. You love nature and recognize relational health is the way to heal the planet.
  9. You suffered from the epidemic in our dominant culture of addiction to distraction and busyness.  “Exhausted” and “overwhelmed” are frequent complaints, up until now.
  10.  You avoided direct experience of the moment by chronic “doing” versus “being.” You crave having more time in your life for what matters most and you are ready to see that time is the great equalizer, we all have the same amount of it in any given day.

If you’re still reading this, you are ready to quit manufacturing your own suffering. Stop terrorizing yourself and start tenderizing your heart.

contact me for more info: [email protected]

There has never been a more important time to declare your Moonshot and surrender to Magic. You matter. Your relationships matter. Let’s connect in a deep dive to aim high and align with what matters most.

Savor the Moment

trifecta of bliss

The little ditty came to me today. A reflection of the day…

Moments that matter 

Linger longer in my mind. 

Learning to savor the beauty 

Blessings not hard to find. 

Exhales of a humpback whale

Clouds gathering at sunrise

Dew drops in an iridescent spider web

Shimmers as a holographic dragonfly.

Moments are fleeting

Pausing. Breathing. Remembering. 

Taking in the good

With a simple humble greeting,

Aloha whale

Aloha cloud

Aloha spider

Aloha joy

And the creative juices are flowing from Hawaii Island to you, near or far…

Three juicy invites:

1. Join me Saturday 12/12 at Tara Galeano’s book launch party  

2. Join me Monday 12/14 at 11am Hawaii for our Last New Moon Zoom Room

Meeting ID: 808 936 3733
Passcode: Aloha

3. Join me Friday, December 18th sacred virtual space for our Solstice Gathering with a sharing of joys and sorrows. Rituals that nourish your heart. 

Meeting ID: 808 936 3733
Passcode: Aloha

Holding you high in my heart. Savor the moments the matter. Now. 

Daily Tender Job Description

services relationship coaching

Appendix II from my transformational memoir

Moonshot: aim high, dive deep, live an extraordinary life

Daily Tender Job Description by Amy Elizabeth Gordon MA

Daily Tender is a simple position of ultimate and radical self-care. It’s a call to action in these unimaginable times. Here’s a quick list of the duties, responsibilities and privileges of this enlightened role.

  • Smile upon awakening.
  • Give thanks for this moment.
  • Stretch and massage. Make love, alone or with beloved.
  • Make the bed.
  • Relieve self of what is no longer needed by tapping into Source.
  • Brush teeth.
  • Dry skin brush and cold shower — most mornings.
  • Practice Yoga, daily.
  • Breathe, consciously, while the hot water in the tea kettle boils.
  • Meditate.
  • Consume yummy food and lots of love and hugs.
  • Tidy the kitchen.
  • Chore day Sunday.
  • Assemble hydration station every morning for tea, coffee, water.
  • Water garden (literally and figuratively).
  • Express thanks. Often.
  • Chant. Buddhist prayers, yoga prayers, Hawaiʻi prayers.
  • Sweep the floor, removing the dust of yesterday.
  • Exercise outdoors.
  • Exhibit discipline around tech. Adopt fairly strict media diet.
  • Write, create, make a mess.
  • Switch from the mentality of performance driven living of Do, Be, Have, to a new emphasis on ways of being with: Be, Do, Have.
  • Keep appointments with people. Be timely.
  • Coach and be coached.
  • Invest in wellbeing.
  • Cherish time with family.
  • Stop when triggered, drop what I’m doing, and breathe.
  • Deeply breathe.
  • Clean up my side of the street and set right wrongs I’ve made.
  • Allow space for grace to enter in a way that is indeed miraculous.
  • Express thanks. Yes, again.
  • Read inspiring words.
  • Play. Dance. Laugh: pepper these throughout the day.
  • Connect with friends on Wednesday, We-day, if not more often.
  • Surrender to what is.

Be a bright light to intimacy

How do you define intimacy? Deeply penetrating connection? Vulnerability? Passion? Release? Erotic Delight? Well, perhaps we can also consider defining it with this fun play on the word:

Intimacy= in-to-me-see

Monogamy and marriage weren’t in my plans as a teenager. This punk-rock-rebel was ready to change the world and had a different future in mind. Then I got sober at the age of 24 and the life of a Buddhist nun gained appeal. So I took Buddhist refuge vows and went on many solitary meditation retreats.

Then I met Marc, in graduate school at Naropa. And something shifted within me.

Here I am. Married for 18 years to this amazing man, I’ve had plenty of ups and downs regarding sex and intimacy. I come from a history of trauma and abuse and miraculously I don’t dwell in that echo chamber.

We are wounded in relationship, we are healed in relationship

Gratefully, today I have amazing sexual satisfaction and ever-expanding opportunities to stretch myself and release into passion and pleasure even more. (Full disclosure, I also have peri-menopausal roller coaster moments that impact my sexuality. With wholehearted presence to this transition in my life, we make it through the difficult moments; it’s both/and).

Believe it or not, being a bright light to intimacy starts with trusting myself to no longer abandon myself. In-to-me-see. If you want to hear more on this topic, tune in now to my interview on Dr. Nancy Moonstarr’s incredible show,  ‘A Man’s Guide To Intimacy.’ From her email:

Trust Yourself to No Longer Abandon Yourself

Amy interview, entitled, Trust Yourself to No Longer Abandon Yourself, suggests deep safety and trust begin with your own self’s behavior.  Sometimes “cutting” yourself  some slack is also involved because of such steep standards that may be impossible to maintain. 

Amy is so nakedly vulnerable as she helps men understand a woman’s need for reassurance and pause for a hug at delicate moments.  Her past experiences are brought into discussion for you to better understand your beloved. 

Amy is a bright light to the world of relationship building in the deepest living sense of being present. 

Breathing techniques are introduced for all to practice.  Breathing serves to soothe, neutralize and release unwanted tension.  Amy also adds a big view of how you may be inter-generationally impacting and healing the world. 

It’s not too late for healthy sexuality  

Please join me as I’m interviewed by a psychologist, Dr. Nancy Moonstarr along with 20 other experts as part of a series; A Man’s Guide To Intimacy – Open Her Up So She Tells You What She Wants. Together, we focus on men and offer secrets, tips and intimacy advice.  

This is an unusual series that allows deep penetration into the body, mind, heart, and soul.  This free series starts on November 11th, 2020. A day considered to be especially lucky in love! You can register for ‘A Man’s Guide To Intimacy’     

Whew, it’s been stretchy to do this interview, to send this email, to talk about a subject I was not raised talking about openly. My intention is to help anyone with healthy relationships. This particular interview is based on my experience as a heterosexual woman married to a man. I’m owning the fact that this is a heteronormative interview setting. I’m simultaneously acknowledging the reality that man/female sexual relations are not the only valid, normal, intimate relations.

Here’s to being stretchy and if this message helps one person, it is worth the effort! 


Amy E

Strong Backs, Soft Fronts, & Wild Hearts

Happy Monday. Feeling grateful after swimming with dolphins. Two days in a row. No creature delights me more than the dolphin.

Joy embodied.

Yet how often do we not choose joy because our mind tells us we could/should be doing other things? I almost didn’t go this morning. 

After choosing to get up early and wrestle my Monday morning mindset that says, get to work! I courageously chose to adjust my work schedule and begin the day with the ocean. 

Getting in the ocean is restorative for me. Releasing my fear, unlocking the pinch, and calming my vagus nerve are important practices that help me metabolize the stress of daily life. 

Choose joy.

Joy boosted my courage to stretch myself to learn a new skill as the steersman in the 6-person canoe. I almost gave up because we were headed straight into the sun and it’s a hard skill to master.

I almost gave up because the sun was too bright!  I’m tired of giving up when things beyond my control are right in front of me. Can you relate? 

Itʻs time to heal, rest, regroup. And we don’t have to do it alone. I’m crafting some fun ways for us to antidote social isolation and stay connected across these many miles and many moons.

Stay tuned…

Until then, I encourage you to go for a twenty minute walk with this in your ears: Brené Brownʻs Unlocking Us Podcast.  

Listen on Spotify 

She recorded this last week and itʻs full of juicy inspiration. Itʻs about how she courageously faces each day with a practice called: “Strong Back, Soft Front, Wild Heart” she learned from Roshi Joan Halifax.

I know several of you are already familiar with this practice, so consider this a reminder. Those of you new to it, please do tune in, you will love it! 

You Matter. Your Relationships Matter. 

Holding you high with much Aloha,

Amy Elizabeth

Relationship Architect & Compassion Activist  

Copyright 2020 Amy Elizabeth Gordon, MA. All rights reserved. 

p.s. My Moonshot on this Monday is to be fully present in the moment, courageously feeling the feels and allowing gravity to gently hold me. 

What is your Moonshot this week? (That something extraordinary that would not normally happen) And I’d love to hear about how you practice courage in your life…