Marital Bliss

hawai'i wedding retreat
  1. twenty-two years 
    of wedded bliss
    began
    a green-gold day
    with a hand-fasting.

the silk scarf–
tied,
not too tight, not too loose.

a Pacific Northwest
garden
gazing
gazebo

in Chetzemoka Park 
in a cathedral of cedars.
rimmed by salt water majesty,
bald eagles overhead

we flipped a coin,

to see who went first.
to share
hand-crafted vows.

i kid you not–
it landed on edge

2. i don’t recall–

who went first
or what we ate
or how much contra-
dancing we did. 

i can’t forget 

swirling and twirling
–diastole and sistole–
in passion’s embrace.
as we did the dance
of meet, mate, procreate.

laughing and crying,
thru living and dying,
heaving and trying,
moving and thriving,

we keep on keeping on.

on edge
we teeter
and totter
dizzyingly.

through hills of grief…
at times beyond belief
the boys maturing,
the parents dying,
the lines defining

smiles and limits.

3. each day brings 
renewed faith
in sunrise and
a delicious cup of
fresh brew from you.

thank you, boo

thou energies ebb
and energies flow,

our tender hearts
migrate
and find the
way
back

home–
to each
other

to the power of breath.
to the presence of now.
to surrender to gravity.

beckoning
the playful Spirit…

come,
guide
me.

to be loving, 
even when I don’t feel it.

to disappoint others,
but no longer mySelf.

to gratefully ground,
in the eye of the storm.

this perpetual tumult
finds
safety and shelter
in the stormy waves
this gig called life.

wherever we go…
come home to Self

forgive everyone,
for everything,

including Self.

finding patience with my impatience~

this is for-giving
letting go of the idea
of ever having a different past.

4. surrender to win
and
cease fighting.

striving leads to strife,

instead, we thrive on…

sober creative rhythms

health

as I’m sitting here, experiencing tight hips
pondering persistent persnickety pain
no longer cussing on my cushion
my tolerance for discomfort expanding including heavy neck
invariably inviting greater pleasure, too, below the head

running and walking the track at sunrise
indeed aware that motion is lotion
the inner massage
so even when don’t feel like doing it
cultivate drive
devote to health

this births discipline
fuels creative fire

where’d like to be is feeling as good as yesterday
mother’s day,

breaking a 38-hour family

fast with a delicious meal
meditation
movement
quality time

of family love

one thing can help: pace
feelin’ good doesn’t mean need overextend
been there, done that, no more

what matters most is that i write to heal
as a sober creative woman of integrity
i send this telegraph out to the Universe
God hears it
Goddess knows it
Grace bestows it(self)

one thing i appreciate is the message from my therapist,
“Amy you get to put good things into your body.”
I almost cried.

wish i’d heard it way back when
grateful i heard it now…
finally i get to pass it along

you get to put good things in your body
maybe

it means a fast?
from food?
from media?
from work?

maybe

it means putting

good motion in your day
now i pause and go

mail a birthday card to a beloved friend
better than text
really

Breaking the myth (of a perfect marriage)

As a couples counselor, I expect myself to have a perfect marriage. This puts undue pressure on us. It’s time to get right sized. I’m not anywhere close to being, thinking, acting, feeling, or doing a perfect job. I look in the mirror and I see wrinkles and flab. I walked down the street five minutes later, and I feel fit and sexy. 

I show up lovingly and assertively when my husband is in the hospital (with his fourth kidney stone). I am elated. Feeling spiritually fit. Then I proceeded to tell him all the ways I’m fit and that instead of dwelling in anger toward him, I’m choosing to take the higher road. Perhaps next time I want to just take the higher road without articulation. He would prefer that also. And in fact, he told me as such. I get to listen. He does tell me what he wants and needs. I can be clear in my reply. I cannot always do it, but I can acknowledge the validity of his requests.

Begin, Again, Here

This is where to begin. Mirror back what you hear your partner wants. If they don’t share, you can ask. What would you like me to do or say right now? Then offer it up, three times, to encourage it to soak in fully.

Later that day, I’m stroking my ego that I can puzzle quietly next to him while he naps on the couch, heavily medicated, and an hour later, I’m judging that he is not hydrating “enough” or screening all his pee to catch the 6 mm stone. It’s not my body. Not my business. How do I forget this? 

Interestingly, I’m considering being honest with my couples tomorrow. Telling them that marriage is hard. Do you want to chance to heal – to grow – to transform multigenerational trauma? Then wake up. Do this. Now. Advocate for your partner. Find out what they want/need and go there. I dare you. 

Start with Yourself

And here’s the kicker, before you can do that, you must advocate wildly for yourself. Therefore, trust yourself to no longer abandon yourself. Ask yourself, what do I hunger for, what do I need, what does my heart desire. And courageously share it with your beloved. We are not mind-readers.

You Matter.

Your Relationships Matter.

My Daily Practices in a Life of Serenity

heartwise

In the past, my life was riddled with active addictions, misunderstandings, and intense self-judgment. I had difficulty looking in the mirror without criticism, acknowledging what was enough, and coming to terms with the illusion of control. I turned to drinking, drugs and dudes to escape from the pain of Suffer. This only led to even greater Suffer.

Now, I enjoy the fruits of a well-examined extraordinary life of Serenity: sobriety from alcoholism, healthy assertive communication, and radical self-care. Here’s a peak at how I do it:

The three c’s create an extraordinary life of Serenity:

Connection

Communication

Contemplation

Connection is necessary for my top value: Serenity. Serenity is the opposite of addiction. Serenity is comfort in my skin, clarity in my mind, and calm in my heart. I make a daily practice to connect with a sense of ease. Recovery meetings, true friendships, heartfelt hugs with my beloveds. These all happen. Regularly. This is proper use of my will. Connection with truth and beauty happens with a flower outside.

Communication is essential for connection and Serenity. Even if I’m on a 10-day silent meditation retreat, my non-verbal communication reflects whether I’m calm in Serenity or caught in Suffer. The inner self-talk impacts my soul’s expression, so a look in the eyes is enough to tell you how I’m doing. The mirror meditation of each morning, rounding the corner and saying, “Hey Buddy” to myself is much easier when I do the first act of Serenity: Smile upon awakening, before feet kiss the earth.

Contemplation is the art of accurate self-examination through communicating with my higher powers. Prayer (yep, the Serenity Prayer is a daily practice), meditation (metta, maitri, lovingkindness) and writing. These all work. I get to use my will to allow space for them to happen.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the Serenity

to Accept the things I cannot change

the Courage to change the things I can

and the Wisdom to know the difference

In conclusion, I want to offer a reminder about dialogue. One specific and powerful communicational tool called the Imago Intentional Dialogue helped. Today’s guest blog, from Shambhala Mountain Center (a favorite place of mine for meditation, now called Drala Mountain Center), highlights the power of the Imago Intentional Dialogue.

https://blog.shambhalamountain.org/stay-in-the-canoe-and-paddle/?utm_source=Dec+Newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Dec+Newsletter

how to enjoy relational health during transitions

transition

If you’re anything like me, change feels like a series of speed bumps on the journey of life. If I’m going too fast through transition in my life, it is jarring, uncomfortable and downright discombobulating.

There is an alternative to racing through life. Cultivate awareness of allowing space for grace. Honoring your inner guidance system. Hibernating. Radically resting. Preparing for change (it’s inevitable).

Here are the distinctions of extraordinary living that show us how to maintain relational health in transition. Seeing them in a simple list helps keep it simple. 

1. trust yourself to no longer abandon yourself

2. focus on your own hula hoop (mind your own business)

3. repair your part in relationship breakdowns

4. have faith you are enough

5. clear your mind of stinkin’ thinkin’

6. open your heart to receive the love

7. rekindle your spirit to get resourced

8. energize your life

9. recognize your interdependence

10. own your responsibility

11. embrace generosity

12. raise your relational consciousness

Seasonal shifts, moon phases, stages of life — all these transitions deserve time and space to flow smoothly. Listen. And cultivate gratitude for those moments to simply be still and honor silence. 

​You matter. Your relationships matter.​

Does this path have a heart?

do this path have heart?

The last few weeks I’ve noticed that my heart feels heavy when I awaken in the morning. Breathing helps, but gravity wins. My mind begins the race and my body is too tuckered to make it to the track.

The masters say, “You are not your thoughts,” This makes sense. Yet my thoughts do create my reality so they are important to pay attention to. My heart is speaking to me. Reminding me to surrender to gravity. Inviting me to ground in gratitude. Encouraging me to feel the grief that surrounds me.

Inviting my daily and grounding mantra, I am a tender, powerful, generous woman, I feel a wee bit of the heaviness lifting. I ask my husband to place his hand on my heart, I feel a bit more release. I call on my spirit guides and angels and ancestors to lend me the energy to get moving, once again.

Remember, Dear Reader, asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. 

I’m on a path of heart. Listening, deeply, I ask for and willingly receive, support. We may never know Why? this happened. As I often remind my clients, let’s shift from asking “Why” as in, “Why did this happen”, which inevitably leads to another “why”, and shift to Wise. For a moment, let’s shift from the Whys and consider the Wise.

Wise mind guides us on the path of heart. 

Be living a path of heart. There is strength here.

Perhaps you have struggles that you would like to release. Maybe your path of heart is too wide, too circuitous and does not get you where you want to be. Or perhaps you feel constricted by the pinch of the overwhelm of life. Either way, you deserve support, inspiration, and accountability.

This quick tip for more power in your partnership is to follow the path of the heart. Ask yourself: Does this path have heart? Watch PIP Clip

Recognize the strength in asking for help. Remember the wisdom of the heart. Realize you are not alone.

Tune inward, unveil the mysteries within yourself, and ask yourself, what keeps me keeping on, why did I get out of bed today?